Down but not out.... (Guest Blogger)

 

I am Erin, Bonnie's oldest daughter. I've never written a blog post and felt a bit intimidated when my mom asked me this morning if I would be a guest blogger on her page. I wasn't sure where to start or what to say. I guess I'll start at the beginning.
    I was nervous, excited, anxious and anticipating the moment of arrival to baggage claim where my mom, stepdad and sister would pick me up. I wasn't sure how I'd feel seeing my mom for the first time. I wanted to throw my arms around her and hug her tightly but I thought hug her gently. My mom looked the same. She was still my mom and I was soo glad to see her. I really didn't notice her chest was flatter or non existent. As we headed out of the airport I watched as my mom hesitated for one of us to open the door for her. Even something as simple as opening a door was too much for her. We had a great dinner together and before dinner was even over I noticed she was a bit quieter and seemed tired. We decided to grab some frozen yogurt before heading home for the night. As we got out of the van she pulled my sister's side sliding door closed out of habit realizing only afterwards that maybe she shouldn't have done that. We arrived home and all sat down for a little to watch some tv. Mom tried to stay up with us and she did for quite a while but then she was ready to turn in for the night. She started to leave the room and then asked if I could help her get her over shirt off her head because it was difficult to raise her arms and Phil had already gone to bed. I told her sure I'd help.
    After removing it she proceeded to get on her pj tank. I asked if she needed help with her surgical camisole and she said no I can slide that down. She said I don't wanna gross you out. It's pretty hideous. I said no mom you won't.  Then I saw the scars that I had been unsure of how I'd react once I saw them and was even unsure of if I wanted to see them. It wasn't anything like I imagined. Across her chest were too dark colored lines that extended around under each arm pit. In the middle was a slight raised area that was a result of the surgery swelling. I wasn't grossed out or repulsed. My heart loved my mom even more. I also felt so very thankful that she is alive. I gave her another gentle hug and off she went to bed.
    On Sunday, we had a cookout with our family. My mom told me before I flew in she wanted me to help organize and do a surprise birthday party for our step dad. I awoke early wanting to spend every moment with my mom. She had already begun making breakfast. I told her she shouldn't do that. I could cook and she said no let me do it while I feel good. I didn't argue even tho I knew later she'd regret it. I let her because I know how she loves to be hospitable and take care of us kids. After breakfast I could tell she was tired. Jamie and I had already decided to go to the store for her. She stayed home with Phil. When we got back we had a quick lunch. Then we all sat back to relax a little before my sister, her husband and my niece came in. Mom kept getting up to do something or go check on something in the office. I kept urging her to sit down. And even suggested a nap. She wouldn't. Finally she sat down for about 10-15 min before my sister arrived. It was strange to be in the kitchen making all the food, thinking mom normally does this. My sister, Laura and I prepared all the sides and made the burgers. Jamie and mom went outside to prep the grill so it would be hot after Phil and David had run to the corner store to pick up some beans. I looked out the window and saw mom scrubbing the grill grates. I hollered for my sister to tell her to stop. I knew she was over doing it. She wouldn't listen tho. She had also gone outside earlier and taken photos of my niece for her first birthday. I knew that was too much for her as well as it's hard for her to hold up the camera. She stopped the photo shoot early saying she had a few good ones already. I knew she had stopped because it was tiring. My sisters and I cleaned all the food away and dishes after dinner. I think everyone could tell it had been too much for her today. Everyone started to get ready to leave. Leaving earlier than they normally would. They all had to travel back to their homes to prepare for the work week. After everyone was gone mom sat down in her leather overstuffed recliner and just melted into the seat. She stayed up for about another hour then went to bed. It was weird to see my mom being so tired. If you know my mom, she never slows down and does everything. But today she was much slower and each move more calculated.
    Now I will tell you about today, Monday. Today we had a simple breakfast microwave sausage biscuits with berries. As we sat down to eat mom admitted she over did it yesterday. She said I know you're gonna say I told you so! Then we decided to go to town to try to find a few thrift stores. As we pulled out I saw mom holding her seat belt out. It hurt her to have it against her chest. I didn't ask her but I wondered at the first store if she felt self conscious. By the third store I could tell she was getting tired and was walking slower. I also knew it was too laborious to carry her purse which was light as a feather compared to mine. So I carried it for her. I knew she wasn't going to make it for much longer so I said let's go home. She finally admitted yes I really am tired and need to go home. I told her it was fine. We came home and relaxed. I then vacuumed the entire house for her because she asked me to. I felt glad to do this for her, knowing how much she enjoys her home to be clean. Just being out this morning made her arms swell from the gravity of having them down. She is now sitting with them propped up. It's hard to see my mom not be able to go and do like she wants to. I am thankful she is having to rest more. She needs it.
    I love my mom and I am thankful she is alive and doing ok. I hope that one day she will regain full strength but for now she is getting by ok.

The old gray mare just ain't what she used to be...

Reality kicked me in the seat of the pants today when I realized my energy level is almost non-existent. My daughter and I decided after breakfast to run into town and do a little shopping. We planned our route and headed out. It wasn't quite mid morning yet and I was feeling pretty good, but after visiting three stores, I was wiped out. My arms felt like lead as we entered the last store. When she asked if I needed to go home, I had to admit defeat..."yes, I really do," I said.

It's hard for me to accept the fact that I am just not as strong and energetic as I used to be. Every fiber of my being was tired. Have you ever had mononucleosis? If you have, you know what I'm talking about. Even walking across the parking lot was an effort. My sweet daughter could tell I was hurting and offered to carry my purse for me. I was so thankful she did because I don't think I could have carried it one more step.

As I got into the car and sat down, I felt the area where my arms join my body. It was extremely swollen and painful. The doctor had warned me that this was a consequence of having my lymph nodes removed and can often lead to lymphedema. I could barely wait to get home so I could get my pillows and prop up my arms. The best way to reduce the swelling is to sit with my arms elevated above my heart.

It has been a challenging day. I wanted to spend time with my daughter doing things she enjoys. Although she's 6 months pregnant, she has a lot more energy than I do! I was thankful for her compassion and her discernment. She knew that I was tired and was willing to end her shopping trip so I could go home and rest. Maybe next time I won't get tired as quickly...maybe it would have been better if she had just tied me up to the hitching post while she shopped because this old gray mare just ain't what she used to be anymore.

©bonnie annis all rights reserved

Life goes on

Today, as I spent time photographing my oldest daughter's belly, I realized that life truly does go on. She's a little over 6 months pregnant now, and soon will present me with my eighth grandchild. Inside her womb, this tiny little being is being nourished daily. This precious little one is growing and changing at a miraculous rate. Cells are multiplying and dividing. The tiny heart is beating. Bones are forming. Life!

At the same time this little one is growing healthy new cells, cancer cells are growing inside me. I don't want to be morbid, it's just a fact. Life goes on. Soon my treatments will begin. Treatments to destroy and kill the bad cells...the cancer. I know I'll soon begin to feel weaker. At the same time my body loses strength, my newest grandchild will be growing stronger preparing to enter the world. Living and dying...all part of the circle of life. God designed it that way.

Isn't it interesting? When you really stop and think about the miracle of life, how can you not believe in God? I remember being in elementary school back in the third or fourth grade. We all were assembled in the cafeteria to watch a filmstrip on birth. Back then, we could talk about God. Back then, we prayed before starting the day's work.The lights were turned down low and the filmstrip was started. Sitting near the back of the room, the projector emitted a warm, dust filled glow as the light shone on the screen. My classmates and I sat in hard molded plastic chairs, our scrawny little legs dangling. We could barely touch the floor. We were so young. The film began and we sat mesmerized as images of cells in petri dishes shown in brilliant black and white. We watched as they multiplied and divided. We learned the various stages of cell division. I don't remember them all now, but I remember words like mitosis, meiosis, chromosomes, DNA...scientific terms that signified things were changing.

Life. God given...God breathed. In the Bible, we're told that God is the giver of life. He is the Creator. He made all things. After God created the earth and everything that was in it, He created man. Adam. The first life. God breathed into the dust of the earth and instantly Adam came to be. In a millisecond, Adam was complete. All the cells in his body were knit together. Instantly. His heart was beating, his lungs were pumping fresh oxygen in and out. Blood was flowing through his veins and arteries. Muscles and sinew were attached to his perfectly formed bones. He was alive!!! It was a miracle. And such is life.

I wish I'd paid more attention to the filmstrip that day in school. I would have remembered the process of cell division. I would have understood a little more about the rate of multiplication but then again, maybe it's better that I don't remember all those details. What I do remember was amazing! The images on the screen went from tiny blobs of jelly like substance into images of a well formed baby in utero. The baby on the screen was even sucking its thumb while inside a liquid filled cocoon. The next images I remember seeing had us all glued to the edge of our seats...we watched intently as a tiny little human traveled through the birth canal and out into the brightly lit hospital room. Wails of terror filled the room as the baby let out the first cries of life.

I can almost hear the sound of the filmstrip flapping as it completed it's loop of winding. We silently filed out of the cafeteria and back into our prospective class rooms. I don't remember talking much that day after having witnessed something as spectacular as a baby's birth. I felt like I'd seen something secret and mysterious. In whispered conversations, my girlfriends and I wondered if it hurt to have a baby. We were extremely scared! But even in the midst of our fear, we knew we'd witnessed a miracle...the miracle of life.

My daughter's belly is growing. I won't get to see it change over the next few months unless she sends photos through Instagram or text messages, but I'll know that change is taking place. Life goes on. While good changes are taking place in her life, change will be taking place in my life, too. I will remember as I lie under the machine that delivers beams of radiation that my cells are being targeted and destroyed...but for a good reason...to give me life. The same thing will be true for chemotherapy, should I have to go through that process...cells will be killed in order to give life. Living and dying...they go hand in hand. It's all a huge circle, all part of God's plan. Life is good and life goes on.

Sometimes life is challenging and difficult. Sometimes it's peaceful, pleasant, and easy. Death is a part of life and that's the way it was meant to be. No one knows what tomorrow brings so today, let's focus on life...the amazing, marvelous, gift of life. Thank you, God, for choosing to bless us. Thank you for your wonderful power and might! Thank you for the love you've shown us by allowing us to experience life as we watch newborn babies come into the world and as we say goodbye to loved ones as they depart. We know this is your plan and we are thankful...thankful indeed that life goes on.

Help you I can, yes!

Those who know me well know that I often speak in Yodic. And what is Yodic, you say? Well, let me explain. Yodic is a special form of speaking introduced back in the 1980's when the George Lucas film Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back came to the big screens all over the world. Yoda, a fictional little green guy, is known as the Grand Master of the Jedi Order and trains Luke Skywalker, another character in the film, to fight against the evil Galactic empire. While I'm not a huge Sci Fi movie fan, Star Wars and this specific character caught my attention.

I loved Yoda's verbal syntax as he would often speak sentences in object, subject, verb word order. For some reason, that appealed to me very much and I often found myself processing thoughts in my mind this way. My children have come to know that I find joy in speaking to them in Yodaspeak. My Texas grandchildren have become enamored with Yoda's interesting voice as well and the youngest of the three, Caden, can use Yodaspeak as clearly and profoundly as Yoda himself! 

You may be wondering where I'm going with this train of thought and at first, I wondered the same thing. The more I thought about it though, I realized that Yoda, though fictional and strangely odd, had some very truth filled sayings under his Jedi belt, and I wanted to focus on those for a few moments. Here are some of my favorites:

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Wow. That one is full of things to ponder isn't it? Fear can become overwhelming leading us into a pit of dark despair. Fear is powerful and often causes us to needlessly suffer. It was so easy to instantly become fearful of the word Cancer. For days I allowed myself to be consumed with it. I allowed that fearfulness to have power over me. The more fearful I became, the angrier I got. I did not want Cancer! I hated Cancer! I made myself sick hating the fact that I had Cancer. 

Then I began to research and study Cancer in order to learn more about it and then, I heard another Yoda quote in my mind :  “You must unlearn what you have learned.” Okay. So after I'd spent days and days reading and studying all about Breast Cancer, treatments, etc. I now needed to put all of that out of my mind and unlearn what I'd learned? Yes. Now, I know this is going to sound really strange, so please bear with me. I know the Yodaspeak I heard about unlearning what I'd learned was the Holy Spirit speaking to me. No, I don't believe the Holy Spirit speaks in Yodaspeak! Heaven forbid! But I do believe God knows my heart and knew that I needed to unlearn everything I had just learned about Cancer and He told me in no uncertain terms. But why?

Another Yoda quote will help clear that up: “When you look at the dark side, careful you must be. For the dark side looks back.” Too much knowledge isn't a good thing and in the case of my researching Breast Cancer, it could lead me back down a path of fear. Fear is the opposite of trust. I don't want to be consumed with the darkness of Cancer. William Cowper said, "Knowledge is proud that it knows so much; wisdom is humble that it knows no more." I have to choose to be wise. I have to gather only the facts that will be beneficial to my journey. I must discard things that frighten, tear down, and confuse. I have to choose to trust God and His plan for me. I must not become fearful, so yes...I do need to unlearn what I have learned. 

One last quote from Yoda that touched me in a profound way: "Do or do not. There is no try." Wow. Very applicable to fighting the Cancer war, isn't it? I must either choose to fight or give up. If I only try to fight, without giving it my all, I will fail. I must do! That means I must be willing to give 100% to winning this battle. I can't give less than that. Only trying gives an opportunity for my failure. I must commit.

Thank you for indulging me in my odd post for the day. Many of you are already scratching your heads thinking, I thought I knew her so well....what in the world is all this??? Don't worry! I'm not a Star Wars aficionado. I don't talk like Yoda all the time! On rare occasions, when I want to have a little fun with my kids or grands, I do talk to them in Yodic. For me, it's just a funny way to say what I want to say. "Cancer I have, but it has me not...mmmm, yeeessss."Admit it, you want to try it too now don't you? All silliness aside though, I did realize today that I must understand that if I am to win this fight, the battle for my life, I have to be willing to give it everything I have within me. I can't go into this war with a gun half cocked. If I am not willing to dive in head first and win this thing, then I might as well give up now. Mine if I persevere, success is! (Sorry, I couldn't help throwing in just one more!)

©bonnie annis all rights reserved

 

 

 

Life gets mighty precious

I love this quote by country singer/songwriter, Bonnie Raitt, :“Life gets mighty precious when there’s less of it to waste.”

Less of it to waste...indeed. Why should it take a serious illness or disease to really shake us to the core? Why does it often take a tragedy to make us realize how precious life really is? Why do we take life so for granted? When you go to bed at night, do you just assume you're going to wake up in the morning? Do you ever think about the possibility that you may not? We are never guaranteed tomorrow. Cancer helps you understand that concept. It causes you to re-evaluate even the most mundane things in life. Cancer forces you to focus.

One of my favorite hobbies is photography. Wherever I go, I have my camera with me. It's a constant companion, a way to memorialize special moments in my life. I love looking at things with a photographer's eye. Everywhere I turn, there's an opportunity to capture something new. A photographer sees things in ways that others often miss and that's because we're used to looking through the lens in order to frame the perfect shot. We know our subject. We frame it and spend time making sure the lighting is perfect. We adjust the shutter speed and the aperture until we achieve the desired effect. We focus.

Looking through the lens of cancer has caused me to change my perspective on a lot of things. Things that used to matter no longer hold importance to me and things that never mattered are now extremely important. Time is one of those things. I've always focused on time. I've always worn a watch. I've always been on time, in fact, I've always made a point to even be a little bit early. I don't like to be late. Since finding out I have cancer, I don't wear a watch any longer. I don't want to focus on the time. I want to treasure each second of every single day. My husband laughs at me when I ask him now what day of the week it is because I never look at the calendar either. Those things just don't matter any more.

One thing that does matter to me is my relationship with people. I find myself wanting to just sit and talk for hours. I want to look into their eyes and study their faces. I want to watch their mannerisms and read their body language. I just want to spend time with them. I'll admit I didn't use to be that way. I used to be in a hurry all the time. When someone was speaking to me, I was half listening...you know, hearing every other word they said while at the same time thinking about what I needed to do in the next few minutes...that kind of listening. I was really good at zoning out while they were talking to me. I could be looking someone straight in the face and occasionally nodding my head but not have a clue what they'd said to me...and all because I wasn't listening. I was too interested in my own agenda. Not any more. Life is precious and short and fleeting. I feel like I have to capture every frame of their lives in my memory.

It shouldn't take a serious illness to cause us to realize how very precious life is but sometimes it just does. I'm glad I have this chance to re-evaluate my life. I'm glad I have cancer to thank for prodding me in this direction. My eyes are wide open and I'm ready to see. I want to capture each moment, compose the perfect shot. But these photographs won't be digitally mastered, they'll be safely stored in the recesses of my mind and in the depths of my heart. Some things are only meant for the eye to see. Some things are only meant to be treasured in the heart. The lives of those I love will be stored there forever. I am thankful I have a second chance. Life is precious and I don't want to waste a single minute of it. 

©bonnie annis all rights reserved

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to...

Growing up in the 60's I enjoyed some wonderful pop music. I thoroughly enjoyed it then and still enjoy it today.  One song, "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to," sung by Lesley Gore, portrays a brokenhearted teenaged girl at her birthday party. Her boyfriend,  Johnny, disappears only to surface later in the company of Judy, another girl, who is "wearing his ring." The chorus, "It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to... You would cry too if it happened to you," became a part of American pop cultural language as a phrase used to describe being utterly humiliated and miserable during an event that is supposed to be a happy occasion. 

That, my dears, is the story of my life right now. I feel I have the right to my tears and occasional questions and feelings of "why me." Some people, who shall remain nameless, have been critical of my blog posts and haven't "understood where I'm coming from." That was especially the case with yesterday's post. I took a huge risk sharing my own personal struggle with intimacy. It wasn't easy for me to bare my soul like that and truth be told, I probably won't ever share anything like that again. I wanted to do it hoping it would help someone, somewhere out there in the "blogosphere" know that they aren't alone in what they're feeling.

To take verbiage from an old Native American saying, "Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins." It might be easy for my readers to become judgmental thinking that as a Christian, I should be stronger in my faith. I should be able to lean completely on God and not question why He's allowed me to travel this Cancer road. Some of you might even think I'm whining and complaining too much...that I should be grateful to be alive...that I should just "suck it up" and move on. Those are easy viewpoints for you to take because, you aren't the one experiencing the entirety of this journey. You are only getting to see/feel/understand what I share with you and even with that, if I don't word things well, you might not get a clear viewpoint. Goodness, even Job had some days of questioning and complaining back in Biblical times,didn't he?

I am trying my best through this blog, to help others get an honest to goodness look at what Cancer has done to my life. It is an interloper...an uninvited guest that I am having to learn to accommodate although I would rather not have to do that. For those of you who know me well, you know that my faith has carried me through every challenge I've ever faced in my entire life. I have been through some deep, deep valleys and I've been on some extremely tall mountain peaks. I've learned through every experience that I have never been alone...that God has always been with me. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is with me even now and that He has allowed me to travel this road for some reason.Yes, there are days when I am not as "spiritual" as I should be. I'll admit that. I'll admit that some days I walk in the flesh. On days when the pain is great, I might just whine a little, but I think God understands that. He knows that our bodies are weak. In fact, I think He receives glory and honor when we admit our weaknesses and rely on Him for our strength. So please don't think negatively of me when my weakness is showing.

There are no instructions on how to "do Cancer." In fact, I'm willing to bet that anyone you ask will tell you that they've had to learn to get through it the best way they can. There's a lot of trial and error. Of course, we (the pink sisterhood), often compare notes and try to glean helpful hints and tips from the experiences of others, but every case is vastly different. I'm not going to apologize for baring my soul and sharing my feelings. This is my blog and what I write is cathartic and healing for me. If my words offend someone, they are perfectly free to stop visiting my blog and cease from reading my words. This is my journey. I've just invited you along if you'd like to join me. I'm doing the best I can and taking one day at a time.

Perhaps it would help for those critical readers to put themselves in my place for a day. Perhaps then they would understand how it truly feels to experience the full effects of Cancer. This blog is not for the faint of heart or the weak of stomach. I'm not going to sugar coat anything to make it more palatable for my readers. Cancer is ugly. I do not take pride in being able to say that I have it. One thing that I want you to remember is that even though I have Cancer growing inside my body, it does not define who I am. I am a daughter, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a Gigi. I have real feelings, hopes, and dreams. I love and am loved. I cherish my life. I love God with all my heart and soul. And this is why I refer back to the lyrics of the song, "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to." Some days I will be crying. Some days I will be sad. More often than not though, I'll be happy and optimistic and full of hope because that's the kind of life a Christ follower lives. My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus and His righteousness. So naysayers...move on. Go find another blog to read. I'm flying by the seat of my pants but at least I'm flying...

©bonnie annis all rights reserved

Behind closed doors

Normally, I would never write about such deeply private things, but today, as I continue to post about the real life of a Breast Cancer survivor's life, I want to share this with you. Please know that this will be coming from the deepest part of my being and I will do my best to choose my words carefully in order to help you truly understand the experience but I won't say more than absolutely necessary. I want to be respectful of my marriage but at the same time, I think it's important for this to be shared.

Last night was the first night since my surgery that my husband and I have been intimate. For days, I'd been dreading this moment. I'd read all the brochures the hospital gave me about intimacy after Breast Cancer and I'd read horribly sad stories on the internet from other survivors and how their mates had responded. I had no idea how the evening would go but I love my husband with all my heart and I would not deny him his rights.

The room was dark with night as he took my hand in his. He told me how very much he loved me and how he always would. Could he have known the trembling fear welling up inside me at that very moment? His tender, passionate kisses calmed my heart as torrents of tears poured forth. I was so ashamed of my body. I was thankful it was dark inside our bedroom and he couldn't see my scars. I don't know why I was so ashamed, I'd done nothing to bear the shame of Cancer, but it had disfigured my body so drastically. Over and over again, he reassured me that I was beautiful. I wanted with all my heart to believe him but I couldn't. If only he could see my pain...but it was dark, so very dark.

After our time of sharing our love with one another, I was relieved. I was relieved that finally this dreaded moment was over. I had wondered what it would be like for days. I had imagined his reaction with trepidation. But my husband amazed me. He chose to look past my scars and into my heart. He reaffirmed his love for me in the most gentle way. What else would I expect? This man whom I've loved for the past 21 years has never ceased to amaze me with his godly attitude and life.

The Song of Solomon is a very beautiful story of love found in the Bible. It is written with poignant, descriptive words that capture the very essence of a godly relationship. Phil is the epitome of a godly husband. He has always treated me with love and respect, with kindness, gentleness, and adoration. I am unworthy of such a love but I am so thankful that God has blessed my life with him.

Satan wanted me to feel ugly and afraid. He wanted me to reject the intimate advances of my husband. But God wanted me to feel beautiful and loved. He wanted me to truly understand "My beloved is mine and I am his!" (Song of Solomon 2:16.) He wanted me to know that even though my physical appearance had been greatly altered that my heart had escaped unscathed. I was still loveable. I was still desirable. I was still beautiful. 

Cancer demeans. Cancer steals joy. Cancer invokes fear and pain, but Cancer cannot rob me of one of the greatest blessings of my life and that is the love of a godly man, my husband. Some of you know my husband and have seen what a kind and tender heart he has, but some of you have never met him. Oh how I wish you could understand that this 6'4" 225 pound man has a heart of solid gold. He would never intentionally hurt anyone. He loves the Lord even more than he loves me and for that, I am truly grateful. 

This was a difficult post to write because of the content. I am a very private person especially in this area of my life! I wanted to share this with you in hopes that it might give you a clearer picture of the various facets of emotions faced by victims of Breast Cancer. Things you do in your daily life might become mundane and routine. Those of us going through the fight of our lives, don't take anything for granted. We are thankful for every single precious moment of every day. 

I hope I worded this post in a respectful way so as not to offend anyone. My intention was not to draw attention to the sexual aspect of marriage but to give you a taste of my reality.  God created man and woman to complete each other as they share a bond of tender, compassionate love. Marriage is sacred and holy in the eyes of God. It is not to be pornographic or perverted. Marriage is to be between one man and one woman and it is God's gift to us as a foreshadowing of His love. 

One of my favorite books of the Bible gives such a beautiful, clear picture of love and what it is to be like in our lives. Please take time to read these verses:

"Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy (the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth]." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Amplified Bible

© bonnie annis all rights reserved