Remembering brings blessing

Alberta and I
(She's a dear sweet friend and encourager)

8 months ago, I'd just had both breasts removed along with 6 lymph nodes. I was home recovering and in a great deal of pain. I felt like I'd been hit by a MACK truck and left on the side of the road for dead. I couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel. But that was then and this is now.

In those long months that have passed since my surgery, the feelings of hopelessness and pain have all but disappeared. I've allowed the memory of all that God's done to become clouded just a bit and today, I was reminded that I need to focus on remembering.

It hasn't been that long ago, so the wonderful things He's done in my life should still be very fresh and new... but isn't it funny how Satan loves to steal our joy by hazing over those important times in our lives where God has done amazing things?

There's a verse in the Bible in the book of Psalms that says, "Then they believed His words; they sang His praise. They soon forgot His works." How easy it is for new believers to trust...to get on the spiritual band wagon...to be filled with praise when things are going great...to marvel at the awesomeness of God, but let the times get hard and those songs of praise die down in a hurry. Sometimes when the "new" wears off, just like these people in the Bible, we become complacent. We forget. A leanness enters our soul.

In the midst of trial or suffering, I'm always bold enough to pray and ask God for what I need. I'm brave in my faith and in my expectations. But sometimes, after He's answered my prayer and the crisis is over, I slowly begin to forget. My prayers become less adventurous and less brave. I begin to pray for smaller things instead of greater things. It's not that my faith has become weak, it's just that I've forgotten the many blessings He's given me.

Today, I asked God to quicken my memory. To help me remember things He's done for me over the past 8 months. It's important to me to refresh my thoughts and keep His great blessings at the forefront of my mind. And so, I thought it would be helpful to make a list as He reminded me of ways He'd been faithful to me:

• In May, God allowed me to find the mass in my breast as I was showering. He could have allowed it to remain hidden and for it to have been years before it was discovered, but His timing is always perfect in every thing. 
• We were busy moving so I didn't have time to focus on the mass, this was a brief respite from the initial panic I felt on the day I found the mass. I think this was His way of protecting my heart until I was ready to handle the real news. 
• When things slowed down and we were settled, He prompted me to find a doctor and get it checked. He did not let me forget about it. Day after day, I felt Him reminding me, "you need to get this checked...you really need to get this checked." 
• He led me to an OB/GYN who immediately sent me for tests. The doctor originally thought it was just a fluid filled cyst but she was diligent and ordered diagnostic mammograms, an ultrasound, and core needle biopsies immediately. I know God had imparted that wisdom to her in order to save my life. 
• He knew I would be fearful and sent one of my daughters to accompany me to the procedures. He used her to remind me of His love. I was never alone, even when I couldn't see someone with "skin" on. 
• When I needed to find a surgeon, He led me to the very best breast surgeon in our area. She was very attentive and kind. She never made me feel rushed and spent hours discussing in detail exactly what she was planning to do.
• Through a string of amazing events, God provided the resources for my husband and I to go to the beach so I could process everything that was happening to me. During our time there, God spoke to my heart in such a tender, loving way. He used His beauty in nature to show me that in every tiny detail, He is present. 
• During surgery, my doctor was able to remove the entire mass and found only one lymph node that was cancerous. Although I had 6 lymph nodes removed, only one was malignant. God gave my surgeon the wisdom to check my lymph nodes. Had she not done that, the spreading cancer may have gone undetected and traveled to various organs in my body.
• As I was healing, God provided the means for my oldest daughter to come and be with me. She was a great source of encouragement and help. God knew I would need her so He laid it on her heart to plan on coming. Her husband and children were so gracious to part with her and, she was pregnant to boot!
• Through the internet, on a Facebook Breast Cancer site, I made a new friend who became my mentor. She traveled over an hour and a half to visit me. She brought a special wedge pillow and a padded seat belt strap for me as she knew I'd need them. God spoke to her heart and gave her the courage to come visit a total stranger. I'm so thankful He did!
• God prompted family and friends to call, write letters, send cards and gifts and to lift me up in prayer. Those little symbols of love always arrived at the perfect time. I know God orchestrated those gifts just for me.
• God has used my sweet husband to minister His love to me throughout this entire journey. He has gifted him with patience, caring, and understanding. He has laughed with me, cried with me, prayed with me and just loved me. He is a wonderful example of God's tender loving care.
• God knew, even before we moved to this area, that I would experience cancer. The radiation oncology clinic where I'd need treatments is very close to our house...that wasn't a coincidence because right after we'd first moved here, my husband and I were driving around the area to get familiar with it. As we passed the radiation oncology clinic, I heard God speak to my heart and say, "You'll be going there soon." Months before I would be diagnosed, He forewarned me. He knows I don't do well with surprises. I'm so thankful He speaks to me in that still small voice and prepares me for the hard things that come my way.
• When I started radiation, God allowed me to meet 2 women who became my cheerleaders. They were going through treatment too, but they helped me know what to expect. Every morning, as I arrived at the clinic, they'd great me. One of them sat and talked to me as I was preparing to have treatment and the other talked to me on the way out. One was an elderly lady with cancer of the nose and the other was a woman about my mother's age who also had breast cancer. They looked after me like a mother hen watches after her chicks. God planted them there at the exact moment in time I needed them! 
• As the months have passed, God has allowed me time alone to draw closer and closer to Him. Each day is sweeter than the one before as He continues to teach me and allow me to see more deeply into His heart. 
• God led me to my Oncologist and to the Cancer Wellness Center where I can take part in free art therapy lessons, writing programs, cooking or exercise programs. God knew I would need someone I could trust. My doctor is Jewish and very soft spoken. He's gentle and caring. God knew I'd need someone who would be understanding and kind. The classes at the wellness center provide a way for me to get out and meet people. Once again, God knew I didn't need to be alone and He made provision for me. 

I could go on and on about the things He's done to show me He's never left me alone throughout this trial but I won't. He's used this time of testing to continually teach me and prepare me. I don't know yet what He's preparing me for, but I'm sure He'll reveal it to me soon. I don't think God ever allows you to go through a trial or time of testing without a purpose behind it. Perhaps He's going to use me to minister to others in some way. It will be interesting to see what the future holds.

Has God done amazing things in your life? Have you allowed the newness of it to wear off? Why not stop and take time to remember all that He's brought you through. Remembering brings blessing...the blessing of understanding that you are unique and special to God. You are precious to Him. He loves you so much more than you will ever know. Don't forget the times He's been right by your side when you needed Him most...when He's answered prayers you've cried in the dark...when He's provided for your needs when you least expected it. Let's give Him praise where praise is due! Remember.

© bonnie annis all rights reserved

Random thoughts

I fished out my bra and boobs from the little round pink boxes sitting on my dresser. My daughter was coming to take me out to lunch and to do a little shopping. I slipped off my "wife beater" t shirt and placed the hook and eyes of the bra fasteners at my chest so I could see them and click them together easily. When I had them fastened, I spun the bra around and slipped my arms through the straps. I walked over to the mirror to look at myself. Ewww....I didn't like what I saw in the mirror. My prostheses, while much smaller in size than my first set, looked awkward. They lay flat against my skin and barely filled out the bra at all. Their weight was uncomfortable. Even though they were small, the silicone was heavy. I slipped on my blouse and buttoned it up. Again, I looked in the mirror. There wasn't much to see and I surely didn't look like I had any breasts. There were only tiny lumps present. Oh well, there was nothing I could do.

I walked around the living room getting used to the weight of my prostheses. I hadn't worn these but once since I got them. The bra was rubbing against my incisions and didn't feel good at all. I went back into the bedroom to see if I could find a way to remedy the situation. I took off the bra and put on a camisole. Then I placed the bra with the silicone boobs back on. On top of the camisole, the bra didn't rub as much. 

Laura arrived a few minutes later. She texted me that Heather was asleep and asked if I'd mind just coming out to the car. I grabbed my keys and locked the door hurrying out to the driveway. I peeked into the back of the car to see my sweet granddaughter's face. Sleeping children are so precious. 

We drove into town and grabbed some lunch. Afterwards, we swung by Dairy Queen for a cool treat. Next we did some shopping. I had to constantly tug at my bra as it was riding up on my side. I wasn't embarrassed to be out in public though, because at least I had the semblance of femininity. 

When we got back home, the first thing I did was remove my bra! I told Laura I couldn't stand it any longer. I played hide and seek with Heather for a long time and then she wanted me to pick her up. I knew I shouldn't have, but how can you turn down such a sweet little one reaching up for you? As I grabbed her up in my arms and swung her around, she laughed as I squealed a loud, "WHEEEEEE." 

It was such a beautiful day. The sun was shining and it was so wonderfully warm. Laura, Heather, and I went outside for a little while before they had to head home. Heather had such fun playing with sticks, pinestraw, and pinecones. It's amazing how little it takes to entertain her. 

After they left, I went back inside the house and began to make dinner. I didn't realize how sore I was until I bent down to get a skillet from the cabinet. I was surprised that I felt this way and wondered if it was just from picking Heather up and holding her or if it was something else. I ended up taking a pain pill and resting the remainder of the evening. I kicked back in my recliner and enjoyed some TV with my hubby. It felt good to just rest. 

I go to see the Oncologist next week. I know he's going to take more blood work. They always have to stay on top of things to make sure your tumor markers aren't rising which could indicate a recurrence. I'm hesitant to see him. I'm wondering how he's going to react to my decision not to take medication. I'm glad Phil will be there with me. 

Before bed, I decided to check Facebook. I see updates on Kara Tippetts (my internet friend who's dying of stage 4 breast cancer). It upsets me greatly. I can't help but think of how those around her are being challenged daily. I marvel at Kara's faith in the midst of her pain. I wonder if I would be as strong. Every day I check her blog, I expect to find a guest post stating that she's gone home to be with the Lord. That day is coming and very soon. She's been in hospice now since March 2. That's just a little over 2 weeks. The time is drawing closer. I wonder how I'm going to handle it when she passes away. It's interesting how the life of a complete stranger can affect me so deeply. That was the same way it was with Christina Newman, another fairly young breast cancer survivor who passed away at the end of last year. Maybe their stories touch my heart so profoundly because I can only stop and think there but for the grace of God go I. 

What I'm thinking:

I wonder if I'm just getting old and out of shape. Maybe that's why I get so tired after playing with Heather. Sometimes I think I may be focusing too much on every little ache and pain. What am I expecting to happen? Why do I feel this way? Why am I fearful? Did I make the right decision not to take the medication or did I make the wrong one? I've been feeling normal since the second week of January when I stopped taking the 2nd medication and it's felt so good. Am I deluding myself? Should I ask for a PET scan just to be sure nothing is happening inside me? Why do I still get so emotional at times? Why do I have so many questions???? I read this in a medical journal and it made me feel a little better...."We like to think of the end of cancer treatment as the closing of a chapter, but what most people don’t realize is that the emotional struggle continues long after,” Dr. Kevin C. Oeffinger, a primary care physician and director of Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center’s adult long-term follow-up program, says. “Feelings of post-treatment depression and anxiety are amazingly normal. I would go so far as to say that if you don’t have them it’s a surprise.”

Yesterday, I received my copy of CURE magazine in the mail. It's a breast cancer publication that my doctor's office sends me. Smack dab on the front cover was a glamorous picture of Joan Lunden. She makes breast cancer look good. It really chaps my hide how all these big celebrities that are diagnosed with cancer make it seem so uninvasive. It would be nice if they'd share their real stories allowing their fans to see the ugly side of cancer. The ones of us who've suffered through it know even when those pictures aren't shown. I just don't understand why they can't just be real.

It's that time of year again...the Susan G. Komen 3 Day Race for the Cure. I could sign up as a survivor and walk but I don't want to do it. What good does walking do anyway? It doesn't solve the cancer. Yes, sure, the participants help raise money for research but how much of that money actually goes toward finding a cure? I bet not much. So I have no desire to be involved in all the hullabaloo, the sea of pink. Count me out. Yes, I want a cure to be discovered and soon but I don't think a 3 day walk will do anything to bring that about.

©bonnie annis all rights reserved

Learning to live well

Kara Tippetts fighting for the last days of her life

Celebrating life. How many of us do that on a daily basis? I'd venture to say not many. Most of us go through life routinely without giving a second thought to tomorrow but there's no guarantee it will come.

Yesterday, I attended a wedding. It was a wonderful time of celebration. Family and friends had come to share in the joy of the young couple. It was a time filled with laughter and love.

I sat at my table watching the faces of those around me...just watching. I loved seeing the radiant smiles and watching mouths burst into laughter. Joy. Beautiful, happiness overflowing.

Constant conversation filled the room with an electric buzz as people who hadn't seen each other in a long time played catch up. Words were flying right and left. As I watched and listened, I noticed there were a few who sat in the room in corners, lonely. My heart broke for them. As the celebration continued, I realized we were celebrating not only a wedding, but life in general.

As we were driving to the wedding earlier that afternoon, we had passed a cemetery. As I glanced over that way, I noticed a family burying a loved one. As we drove on, I thought deeply about life and death. We were on our way to a wedding to celebrate the lives of those joining together in Holy matrimony while this family was grieving over the loss of someone they loved dearly. Thinking about their grief caused me to think about Kara once again.

Kara Tippetts is an internet friend. A little over 2 years ago, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had the honor of connecting with her a little over 8 months ago, right after I was first diagnosed. She has been a wonderful encourager to me...a mentor...a sister in Christ. Kara has a wonderful gift of writing and she's written a book called The Hardest Peace. It's the story of her journey through stage 4 breast cancer and how her faith has carried her through it. She's fought hard for the past couple of years and now, her weakened body doesn't have much fight left in it. She has been in Hospice care since March 2. She knows her days are numbered and still, even in the midst of pain and suffering, she chooses to honor God by walking with Him in faith. Kara is such an inspiration to me. I've kept up with her story daily through Facebook and through her blog, Mundane Faithfulness. It's evident by the recent posts that Kara's earthly story will soon end.

I watched joy fill the room of the tiny church and at the same time, my heart filled with grief knowing that Kara's family was clinging to every single moment they had left with her. They all know it's coming. Kara and her husband, Jason, have prepared the children to face the day it does come, but that doesn't make it any easier. How do you say goodbye to your best friend? How do you let go of your mother's hand forever? How do you slip quietly out of this chaotic world and into the glorious peace of the next? Kara knows. She's walked with faith from day one. Faith will carry her home.

As the wedding festivities wound down and people began to leave, I noticed each person left smiling. There had been such joy at the wedding. When we got into our car to leave, I noticed headstones in front of us. We'd had to park just in front of the church's cemetery. This jolted me back into thinking about Kara. Soon her family would be burying her but there was going to be a huge difference in her homegoing. Surely, it would be a time filled with grief, but it would also be a time of celebration. Kara's faith would long to rejoice at being fulfilled in her transition from this world into the presence of her Father. The death of a believer is beautiful because we know they are finally home with the Lord. The Bible tell us that the earth is not our home. We're just passing through. And that should give us great peace.

I watched Kara's video when I got home from the wedding. It made me cry because her story is so similar to mine. At the very end of the video, Kara makes a statement that touched my heart deeply.
"...In this today, I get to live well." ~Kara Tippetts

Living well. What does that look like? To me, living well, was clearly defined after I'd received my diagnosis of cancer. God helped me realize that every moment He'd ever given me was precious. I had wasted many of them but from the day of my diagnosis forward, I'd promised Him that I wouldn't waste any more...that I'd count each moment precious and in so doing, I'd learn to live my life well. Kara must have discovered the same thing. It's amazing how being faced with death changes your perspective.

You can learn to live well now. Don't wait for a brush with death to learn this valuable lesson. Love the ones God's placed in your life. Treasure each minute of your day. Don't take things for granted! Life is a precious gift and usually, you only get one chance at getting it right.

I hope you'll take a few minutes to watch this short video of Kara's life. I pray you can hear the fear and faith in her voice...the faith is so much stronger. I hope you can feel the pain present in her loved ones eyes. I hope you will see what it means to learn to live well.

Every day we have an opportunity to celebrate. We may not have a wedding to attend, but we can celebrate life by celebrating love. God has blessed us with such amazing grace and He has given us the beauty of love through family or friends. Look for things to celebrate. They're all around you. You woke up this morning didn't you? That's something to celebrate!

Watch a short video on Kara's journey

© bonnie annis all rights reserved

Say yes to the dress

I have a wedding to go to today and it will be the first "real" public event I've been to since my surgery. If I had my way, I'd choose not to go but since this is family, I will make myself attend. I have no idea what is appropriate to wear to an afternoon wedding and I have no idea what outfits in my closet might make me look less atrocious than I currently do, but I have to find something.

Entering my walk in closet, I see a wide range of clothing. There are suits and dresses I used to wear when I was working full time in a church office. They are very traditional and modest. Then there are my casual clothes - jeans and tshirts I wear on a daily basis. They are comfortable and familiar. In a very small section of the closet are my formal clothes - several long dresses for evening weddings. Beaded jackets and long, flowing chiffon skirts hang next to my shiny, glittery, last year's New Year's eve jacket. There are so many colors and textures. I realize immediately that I have way too many clothes.

I begin pulling down a few outfits that I think might work. I stack them on my bed and take off my yoga pants and sweat shirt so I can begin trying things on. The first outfit is a floral dress on a black background and it has a black jacket to match. I slip the dress over my head and realize instantly that this one won't work. The neckline hangs down too, too low in the front with no bosom to aid in keeping it in its proper place. I toss that one to the side. I try on several more outfits. Each one gives me a reason to toss it into the reject pile...sleeves too tight (because of my swollen arms), wrong color, too short, too long, lousy fit, etc. etc. I get discouraged quickly.

As I think about the ideal outfit, I realize I need something that will have a little give to it to accommodate my very large and swollen arms. I need something that doesn't have a low neckline because of my missing boobs. I definitely need a jacket of some sort because I get cold easily. And then, I have a masterful idea. I take the last dress and jacket I tried on. It is a black and white hounds tooth looking print with a bolero type black jacket with tiny black and white piping. When I first tried on the dress, the neckline hung down so low, I knew I could never wear that to a wedding but...what if I turned the dress around and put it on backward???

I slipped the dress over my head and spun it around so the inner tags were at my neck. The dress was much higher now because of the low neckline being shifted to the back of my body. It felt a little strange but it really worked! I looked in the mirror and slipped on the jacket. Yes! I think this will work just fine.

To keep others from knowing I'm wearing my dress backward, I'll slip on a statement piece of jewelry. I have a very ornate black and silver necklace that will draw the eye to it instead of to my chest. The small hounds tooth print does a great job of camouflaging my booblessness so I won't stand out like a midget in a freak show.

I begin to hang up the clothes that are piled on my bed. I can't help but be overcome with emotion. There are so many things in my closet that I just can't wear any longer. I guess I'll be going through them and donating them to a charity soon. I wonder if there is a line of clothing made specifically for women who decided to be flat and fabulous and who suffer from Lymphedema. I'll have to check into that. In the meantime, I'm going to start looking for pieces to add to my wardrobe. I think if I can find things with gathers in the front or pretty prints that fool the eye, I'll be satisfied that I look okay.

You may be wondering why I don't just slip on my fake boobs and keep all the clothing I currently have and that is an option but I just don't feel comfortable in them. I can't stand the feel of a bra against my chest wall any more, it's just too irritating. I do wear them when I absolutely must but I will not wear them every day.

I'm glad I had the thought of turning the dress around backward. Now I can definitely say yes to the dress.

© bonnie annis all rights reserved

Real men eat Kale

My husband probably thinks I'm treating him like a rabbit lately, especially after I served him Kale at dinner last night. It was the first time I'd ever cooked it, but I'd heard it was really good for you so I wanted to add it to our diet. I watched his face as I handed him his plate. I could see the raised eyebrow as he wondered what that green, leafy stuff was right next to his chicken breast. I waited to see if he'd ask. I was determined not to tell him until after he'd either asked or tasted it.

Our refrigerator is stocked to the brim with fresh produce now. When we go grocery shopping, we always hover around the outer perimeter of the store for the majority of the time we're there. Phil gets a kick out of teasing me because he says I "spend way too much time in the produce section." I just love reveling in the wide variety of colors and textures. Phil stands slumped over the shopping cart because he knows it's going to be a while before I'm ready to leave this section. He's good to take my selections to the scale and weigh them for me, but after about 20 minutes, he'll say, "okay, let's get out of here and move on to another section." As we move out of the produce section, I'll slowly continue to peruse the displays making sure I've picked up every thing I needed. Inevitably, something will catch my eye and I'll have to get just one more thing. When we're finally out of the produce section, I'll smile looking at my shopping cart brimming with lovely produce.

Since I've decided to take a more natural approach to healing from my recent bout with breast cancer, I've focused on eliminating processed foods and sugar from our diet. When I first started this process about 2 weeks ago, I told Phil he didn't have to eat the way I did. I was more than happy to make two sets of meals but I explained to him that I wanted him to be healthy too. Graciously, he agreed to eat whatever I prepared.

I'm thankful he's agreed to adapt to this lifestyle change. He hasn't complained once about any of the funky veggies I've served him lately...except last night. He did say I'd put too many red pepper flakes in with my kale dish. I had to laugh at him for complaining about the seasoning. Most men would have complained about the kale itself. I think he's finding that nutritious food can be quite tasty. I'm just glad he eats whatever I serve him and never turns up his nose at anything. I think I'll keep him!

My recipe for Sauteed Kale with onions

1 bunch of fresh Kale
1 large onion (sliced thin)
2 cloves of garlic (chopped)
2-3 tablespoons of olive oil
1 can beef broth
crushed red pepper flakes
salt and pepper to taste

In a large wok or skillet, set on medium high heat, drizzle the olive oil. Add the sliced onions and let them cook until almost translucent. Add the chopped garlic and stir well. Next add the washed kale. It will fill the pan to overflowing but will wilt down significantly as it cooks. Allow to cook for several minutes and then add the can of beef broth. (You can substitute veggie or chicken broth if you like.) Season with crushed red pepper flakes, a good teaspoon should do the trick unless you like things super spicy. (You can also omit the red pepper if you don't like spicy foods.) Stir and add salt and pepper to taste. Allow the kale mixture to cook until the broth has reduced completely and then serve and enjoy!

© bonnie annis all rights reserved

The aroma of blessing

I was on the phone with my oldest daughter this afternoon when she asked if my mail had come yet. I told her it hadn't come but I was waiting for it. "It usually comes around 1:30," I said, as we continued our conversation. She explained that she had shipped me a package and it was supposed to be delivered today.

While we were still talking, I heard the mail truck coming down the street. I went to the window to see if the driver was going to come up to the house with a package. Instead of bringing the package to my door, I watched the mail carrier shove it into my mailbox. I could tell it had been a tight fit because of the way she forced the mailbox door closed.

With my daughter still on the phone, I walked down to the mailbox to retrieve my mail. There were the usual letters, a bill or two and a box from a company called DoTerra. I brought the mail back up to the house and she encouraged me to open the box. I grabbed my scissors to cut the tape and lifted the lid to see the contents.

As soon as I opened the box, I could smell the delicious oils. There were so many that I began to cry. (I knew these oils were expensive and were a huge sacrifice for her.) She started to tell me what each oil was for and how it would be used to help me on my road to recovery. She had hand picked each oil specifically for me. She'd also included some nutritional supplements that aided the lymphatic system and helped with cell regeneration. She told me as she'd been perusing the DoTerra website, God had directed her to those 2 supplements.

My decision not to take the cancer medications my oncologist prescribed has been an easy one, but one many people don't quite understand. I've made a radical change in the way I'm eating and rarely have any sugar or processed foods. Now, along with my diet changes, I'll have the essential oils to aid me in natural healing.

Natural healing has been a part of my family for some time. Old fashioned home remedies have been around as long as I can remember. I can still remember the smell of a mustard plaster my mother made once when I was sick with a severe chest cold. I don't remember how she made it other than smearing mustard onto the inside of a piece of a brown paper bag and then it was flipped upside down and placed on my chest. I think I slept with it on that night and the next morning I was 100% better. There were other remedies involving hot water, honey, lemon, vinegar, or baking soda. I'm sure most of them were handed down from generation to generation by word of mouth but whatever the case may be, those things worked!

My great aunt Alice was a licensed naturopath in the state of Georgia when women weren't quite welcomed into the medical field. She was a firm believer that any and every illness could be cured by something God had already provided for us in nature. She had an office in her home in Atlanta for years.

Naturopathic medicine (or naturopathy) is based on the belief that the body can heal itself. It aims to improve health, prevent disease, and treat illness through the use of organic foods and exercise; a healthy, balanced lifestyle; and the use of treatments from other areas of complementary medicine. (These treatments include ayurveda, homeopathy, and herbal therapies.)

Naturopathy was developed in the late 1800s in the United States. Today, a licensed naturopathic doctor (ND) attends a 4-year, graduate-level naturopathic medical school. He or she studies the same basic sciences as a medical doctor (MD). But the ND also studies alternative therapies, such as herbal medicine, acupuncture, and bodywork.

Most traditional naturopathic physicians (naturopaths) believe in natural therapies, such as nutritional and lifestyle counseling. They tend to avoid prescribing medicines or doing surgery. Some naturopaths prescribe herbal medicines, homeopathic dilutions, or nutritional supplements. Some may perform minor surgeries.

People use naturopathic medicine to promote good health, prevent disease, and treat illness. Most naturopaths can treat earaches, allergies, and other common health problems. Naturopathy tries to find the cause of the problem rather than just treating symptoms. A properly trained naturopath works with other health professionals. He or she will refer people to other practitioners for diagnosis or treatment when needed.

Several weeks ago, I made a very conscious decision not to take the Aromasin and Effexor that Dr. "F" had prescribed. I'd already had bad experiences with Arimidex and Tamoxifen and Aromasin was in the same category of medicines. Effexor was being added (even though it was typically used for depression) to combat the hot flashes and night sweats. I don't know why I hadn't made my decision even before giving Arimidex a try. I guess I'd just been conditioned to believe my medical professional always knew best. Why had I never thought to myself, "it's my body and I have a right to choose what I do and don't but into it?" The day I made my decision was a very freeing one. I felt a literal weight being lifted off of me when I told my husband, "I'm not going to take these medicines any longer."  

If I'd chosen to receive my care at the Cancer Treatment Centers of America, I would have had an opportunity to work with a holisitic doctor and possibly even an naturopath. At their centers, they tout the tag line, "integrative care with you at the center." While they do offer spiritual advisors, massage therapists, nutritionists, etc. I wanted to work with one main doctor. It's too bad I didn't think to choose a naturopath first. 

I'm very curious to find out what my oncologist will say when I tell him at the end of this month that I've chosen a more natural route to healing my body. I'm wondering if he'll say, "okay, nice knowing you...see you later," or perhaps "well, you need to either follow my advice or find another oncologist," or maybe he'll say, "I completely understand. It's your decision and I'll support you in it." I'm sure he'll encourage me to reconsider since he isn't a naturopath. Hopefully he'll at least listen to me and try to understand the reasons for my decision.

All the bottles of essential oils my daughter sent me are lined up on my kitchen counter. As I stand in front of them, I can smell the heady smell of lavender, the deep, intense fragrance of Ylang Ylang, and the blends of Frankincense, Wild Orange, Thyme, Lemongrass and Clove. All of their smells intermingle into one beautiful reminder of God's great love for me through my daughter who covered me today with the aroma of blessing. 

Years ago, I talked to my daughter about my great Aunt Alice. You see, my daughter, Erin, has always been a seeker of natural healing remedies too. Perhaps this love of naturopathy will continue in our family for generations to come, and why not? I believe too, just like my great aunt did, that God has given us every thing we need in nature to cure every illness and every disease...even Cancer.

© bonnie annis all rights reserved 

I had a dream

Last night was fitful. I've continued to have trouble sleeping soundly for a long time now, but just as the evening ends and morning begins...I get really comfortable and fall into a deep, deep sleep. This morning, just before waking, I had a dream. In the dream, my Father and I were talking (not my earthly father, but my Heavenly Father.) Things were very hazy and I couldn't make out much more than our conversation and a wonderfully overwhelming feeling of peace and love.
To the best of my memory, our conversation went like this:

"I have a gift for you, Bonnie, do you want to open it now?"
Not sure what I was supposed to do as He handed me the gift, I didn't respond but looked to Him with eyes of concern.
"You must be SURE you want to open this gift, He said."
I replied, "But every gift from you is good and perfect, isn't it?"
He replied, "Yes, but sometimes my gifts are hard."

I held the gift in my hands and wondered whether or not I should open it. I couldn't see the package in my dream but I could feel the weight of it in my hands. Some time passed and I felt it was time to open the gift. As I did, I looked into the box with sadness at what I'd been given. My Father, said comforting words to me and let me know it was okay for me to feel this way...discouraged, challenged, afraid. I felt myself swallow, a huge lump in my throat, as He reminded me that some gifts were hard.

"Your cancer was a gift. It was a gift I specifically chose for you, my dear child."
I held the box at arm's length and looked into His loving eyes. Immediately I felt these words rising up in my spirit, "shall we only accept the good from You and not the bad?"
Without saying a word, I knew I had His approval. I had understood exactly what He wanted me to know, that even though my struggle had been very difficult, God knew what He was doing. He had handpicked this gift for me.

I woke up feeling relieved. There was much more to the dream but I don't feel at liberty to share those parts because they are between my Father and I. I do know He allowed me to experience this dream so I could understand how much He loves me and how He chooses exactly the things He knows we need in our lives to perfect us and form us into His image. Perhaps there's something hard He's given you to deal with in your life right now. If so, please know that He has handpicked your challenge for your benefit. Nothing comes into our lives without passing through God's hands first. He allows things to touch our lives through either His perfect will or His permissive will. When we can learn to see things from this perspective, we can more easily understand that all God's gifts, both the good and the bad, are beneficial for us.

These two Scriptures spoke to my heart and helped clarify my dream.

"It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I might learn Your statutes."

 Psalm 119:71 Amplified Bible 

"See now that I, I am He, and there is no god beside Me; I kill and I make alive, I wound and I heal, and there is none who can deliver out of My hand." Deuteronomy 32:39 Amplified Bible

The Bible says that God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. With that being said, I know that what was spoken thousands of years ago is still relevant for today. I still believe in miracles. I believe God has the power to would and to heal. I have been wounded and now I await His perfect timing for my complete healing. I know He is able and I don't mind waiting until I receive the gift of His perfect and complete healing in my life. 

© bonnie annis all rights reserved