Heart and soul

Waiting for a new grandchild to arrive is very stressful, especially when you're almost 2000 miles away, but waiting teaches us patience, right? I guess I'm the most impatient person in the world because God is continually working on that area of my life. My oldest daughter went into labor yesterday morning and now, almost 27 hours later, we still have no grandchild. I would be lying if I didn't say I was concerned, she's already had 3 Cesarean sections and two of her previous three births were breech. I feel so helpless...all I can do is pray.

On the way to the cardiologist's office for my followup appointment, I prayed. I asked God to guide the hands of the midwife and all those helping my daughter during the birthing process. I prayed for my sweet daughter, that God would give her strength to endure the difficult labor pains, and I prayed for my unborn grandchild...for God to take care of and bless that little one. I prayed prayers of thanksgiving, for the miracle of life. I prayed prayers of gratitude that our family was growing once again, but most of all, I prayed that I would be instrumental in helping to guide this new life into a saving knowledge of the Lord, Jesus Christ one day.

At that doctor's office, as I sat on the examination table, I listened as the doctor went over the recent test results with me. The stress test and the echocardiogram revealed I was still experiencing PVC'S (premature ventricular contractions.) The cardiologist wasn't as concerned about my enlarged right ventricle as he was with the PVC's so he decided to change my medication and wants me to wear a heart monitor to record the number of PVC'S and their frequency. I'm glad he's diligent to protect my heart. I was also thankful he gave me the okay to walk again. I haven't had the energy to do much of anything lately. It will feel good to get back on the treadmill and when the weather is a little warmer, I can start hiking again!

Today is the first day since my surgery that I've actually felt almost normal...not quite, but almost. I guess this "new normal" is going to take some getting used to and though it's not like the old normal, maybe I can find a way to adapt to the way things are now.

It's hard to believe it's been almost 8 months since I first found the mass in my right breast.  In just the blink of an eye, my heart and soul have changed. My heart has experienced physical changes, but more importantly, emotional changes. I feel almost like the Grinch on Christmas day, when his heart was changed...."And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say – that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day. And then – the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of ten Grinches, plus two!" My heart seems to have increased exponentially in its capacity to love. I never dreamed I could love more than I already did, but I do. Since my diagnosis of cancer, I've been able to see things so differently and to love more profoundly than ever before. It's amazing and I'm thankful. My soul has changed too. Cancer has changed me, and for the better. I just didn't "get it" before...but now I do. I feel like I've found a wonderful, mysterious secret that I'd never know before. Who would have thought that it would take a deadly disease to make me understand...certainly not me, but oh, how I see so much more clearly now.

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