After you have suffered for a little while...

"After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace [who imparts His blessing and favor], who called you to His own eternal glory in Christ, will Himself complete, confirm, strengthen, and establish you [making you what you ought to be]. 11 To Him be dominion (power, authority, sovereignty) forever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 5:10-11

I read this verse over and over again. After you have suffered a little while... I couldn't help but stop and think about that. I let the verses sink deep down into my spirit. Yes, Lord...I think I've suffered a little while, 18 months to be exact. Is that long enough? Is it over now? I so wanted to hear Him answer a loud, resounding YES straight from Heaven's front door, but I heard nothing. There was complete and utter silence. I re-read the verses and this time, the part that stood out to me was that God would complete, confirm, strengthen and establish me. Is that what you're in the process of doing right now, Lord? 

Every day, since I stopped taking my anti-hormone therapy, that nasty little drug called Aromasin, I've felt like I'm waiting for something...maybe the other shoe to drop...maybe a recurrence...something. I don't like the feeling and I don't want to even think about the possibility of recurrence. So what am I waiting for? 

I look outside my office window. I can see the lawn very well. The grass is dead, dormant...an ugly yellowish brown, but that's what Bermuda grass does in winter. It lies still and dormant waiting for the warmth of Spring to revive it. I look at the leaves...they are dead and brown too. The trees are bare and it's evident that Winter is here. It's cold and barren...lifeless. I feel that way a little too. But that feeling of anticipation is stirring. 

In the next few months, I know Spring will arrive with budding leaves and new life. The sun will be warmer and the days just a little bit longer. With the new life, comes a feeling of hopefulness. Maybe I'm just tired of being in the midst of the Winter doldrums. Maybe I'm just ready for Spring to come and bring with it the excitement of newness. 

While I'm waiting, even though it seems that nothing is going on inside me, I know that God is at work. He's been speaking to my heart, drawing me near. I hear Him whisper, "After you've suffered for a little while..." and I feel a promise that my suffering is almost over. I think He's already begun the process of confirming, completing, and strengthening me. 

Today I go visit the oral surgeon. I have to have 2 teeth pulled and I'm not happy about that. After I heal from that surgery, I'll have to have a bridge made so I can eat. That means a couple of months of liquid only diet. While I'll certainly miss the taste of many of my favorite foods, I'm hoping to shed a few pounds during that time of healing. 

On Friday, I go for an MRI on my spine. I've been having a lot of upper back pain and they want to find out what's causing it. I'm praying it's nothing but a few slipped or bulging disks...I'm thankful for the technology we have today where machinery allows doctors to get a glimpse at your innards. Wouldn't it be great if those diagnostic tests could show spiritual growth? I can just imagine my doctor whispering to his assistant..."See that vine over there? That wasn't there last time we did this test. I'm concerned about it." It would make me feel so good to see and know there's evidence that God's been at work in me. But while I doubt seriously I'll ever experience test results like that, I'm so glad to know that God is constantly working in me...doing a new thing. He doesn't ever want us to stay the same. He wants to grow us up and mature us. 

Winter is hard and I don't like it, but without the cold, ugly Winter, we'd have no Spring. I feel a stirring in my spirit, that something new is about to happen and I can't wait to see what it is...after you've suffered a little while...Yes, Lord! AFTER...

© bonnie annis all rights reserved

Learning to accept plan B

Yesterday was a tough day...I'll admit it without any reservation. The more I fought against my physical limitations, the more they proved to me that they would win, and they did. I didn't like it one bit. I pouted and sulked. I was mad. I wanted to do what I wanted to do and when I wanted to do it! I was acting like a spoiled rotten little brat and while I did cross my arms...I didn't stamp my feet.

It's rough to have to learn to accept plan B, but today, I've decided that if I can't have plan A...the plan that I worked up in my own mind of all the things I wanted to accomplish in one day, then I'd have to learn to settle for plan B.

Today was a plan B day although I didn't know it when I woke up. I had thought it was going to be a plan A day. Even before my feet hit the floor, I'd made a mental checklist of all the things I was going to accomplish today. I had so many things on my list that I had to make myself eat breakfast first so I'd have energy just to begin working on my list and after I'd eaten, I got busy.

For about an hour, I began working on the first item on my Plan A checklist. When I accomplished that task, I smiled and got ready to begin the next task. I was on a roll! I was so proud of myself. Today wasn't going to be a day like yesterday, it was going to be so much better! But just as that thought slipped out of my brain, I got a text that changed everything.

It wasn't fair. I had been working so hard and doing so well. Now I had to drop everything and do something for someone else. Plan A was being tossed out the window and as it was sliding out, just underneath the window sill, I tried to grab it by the tail and hang on...

For the next 2 hours, I worked on the project I didn't have on my checklist...the one that came to me in a text. It was urgent and had to be done today. It was for a family member who was at work and couldn't take care of the project on company time. Love won out. I agreed to do the project out of love and that was why plan A could get away from me.

When I'd finished the project, I noticed it was almost 1:30. I hadn't eaten lunch. I was hungry. As I at the table eating my sandwich, I tried to formulate plan B. I could feel my arms already swelling and getting tight...just like they did yesterday. I knew I wasn't going to be able to accomplish plan B either...well, not today anyway. Maybe I could work on plan B tomorrow.

And so, I was reminded of a verse of Scripture. "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand." Proverbs 19:21. I can plan and plan and plan but my plans won't always come to fruition. Sometimes I can accomplish the things I set out to accomplish and other times, I can't. For a type A personality, an overachiever, people pleaser, gotta get it done now kinda person, that's a hard lesson to learn. But maybe God's teaching me that it's okay to let plan A go and that sometimes, plan B is a much better plan than plan A was to start with!

Several of my friends have sympathized with me saying, "you just have to get used to your new normal." What is a new normal? For me, I've yet to find out but I think it's going to include learning to understand my physical limitations and accept them. It will more than likely include learning to rest when I'm tired and learning to say no when I need to...that's a hard one for me! I don't ever like to tell someone no but...the people pleaser in me has now died. I know it's okay to set boundaries. They're healthy and necessary. They protect me from overextending myself.

So, Plan A...you were so grand and so wonderful. It was an honor to work with you while it lasted but now, it's your turn, plan B....whaddya got??? Will your list be much shorter? Will it be more simple? Will it involve less detail? Hmmm...I just might like you, Plan B, if I can just get used to you. "I'm sorry plan A," I say as plan A slinks out of the room with a huff.

© bonnie annis all rights reserved

Discovering me

Spending time in solitude provides precious time in which to think. For days and days I've been pondering the many things I've experienced in my life and how they've made me into the person I am today. I've been through an awful lot. As I think back over my past, I find comfort. My life has been filled with both good and bad. Some of the things I chose and some of them were chosen for me, but in each instance, I've grown and changed. I've finally begun to discover who I really am. It's taken 57 years for me to get a glimpse of myself and begin to understand who I really am, but I am thankful. Some people spend their entire lives trying to figure out who they are and never quite make it. After experiencing many life lessons, I have realized I am resilient and brave but only through the power of Christ.

There's a wonderful quote that A.A. Milne used in his classic book, "Winnie the Pooh," that I love. Christopher Robin and Winnie the Pooh are sitting on a branch in the evening when Christopher Robin begins to talk to Pooh and he tells him, "always remember, you're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, & smarter than you think." I love that quote. Christopher Robin and Pooh are dear friends and have always been there for each other. A. A. Milne captured the essence of growing up in his book, "Winnie the Pooh," with such sweetness and such truth. That little quotation has helped me get through this year of cancer. I've had to constantly remind myself that I was braver than I believed, that I was stronger than I seemed and that I was smarter than I thought. Sometimes I did a pretty good job of convincing myself and other times, not so much. My family and friends have been wonderful supporters and they've picked up the slack when I had a hard time believing in myself. When my belief in what I could do wasn't strong enough, they cheered me on with their encouragement and helped me through some very difficult times. But there's another quotation that has meant even more to me than A. A. Milne's quotation. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13 (The New International Version of the Holy Bible). For most of my life, this verse has been my rock. No matter how challenging a situation, no matter how difficult it was, I knew I would be able to not only get through it, but rise above it with Christ's strength.

Bravery was never a quality I felt I possessed. To be ready to face danger or pain without reservation, that is what it means to be brave. I've always thought myself to be quite fearful and even though I had faith in God, sometimes, I failed to trust Him completely. Every year God gives me a word to focus on and this year, the word has been TRUST. I've always struggled in this area of my life, whether with people, relationships, or with God. I never had a brave trust in Him. I'm sure He knew my limitations of trust were partly based on my constant need to control things in my life. But as I learned to release my grip on control, He began to show me I could trust Him completely in ALL things. I didn't have to be afraid any longer. 

It's hard for me to admit that I had a problem trusting, but I did. Let me give you a silly example of my inability to trust. My husband and I travel to Texas every other year to visit one of my daughters. We usually take turns driving because it's such a long trip. When I drive, he'll fall asleep at some point. He will rest so well that he begins to snore loudly. But when he's driving, I never can fall asleep, even though I'm exhausted and want to close my eyes so very much. I just can't do it! I've always been afraid that if I wasn't helping him watch the road, we might have an accident or he might not see the turn off he needed to make, so I stayed awake. I never realized until a few years ago that even my need to stay awake was a control issue. God had to teach me that lesson. 

When you have cancer or any other major illness in your life, there's little you can control. I've had to learn to release control of any and everything in my life to my loving, Heavenly Father. Although, I know Him well and know His character through constant study and reading of His Word, it wasn't easy. He had to pry my fingers off of my own life and teach me that I was never really in control anyway, even though I thought I was! 

Not only was I fearful of giving my complete trust, I also worried a lot, and when I say a lot, I mean A LOT. For some reason, I thought that my worrying would make things better. One day, God taught me a valuable lesson about worrying. It was almost as if I could hear His voice speaking to my heart as I was in the midst of worrying about an issue with one of my children. What I heard Him speak to me was this, "Bonnie, don't you trust me? I am trustworthy. When you worry, you are telling me that you don't believe I can take care of the things that concern you. This breaks my heart. I do not want you to bear the burden of worry. It is not yours to bear, but Mine. You will never experience complete freedom until you learn to let go and trust me completely." That did it. I never knew that God never intended for me to carry the burden of worry so I let it go. Worrying never changed the outcome of anything anyway, so why waste that energy doing it? 

Cancer has taught me to trust God completely. It has taught me that I am braver than I thought especially when I had no option other than to be brave. I've found that I have more courage than I ever dreamed I possessed and I am proud of that. Cancer has shown me that I am tenacious and resilient. It's helped me discover many things about myself that I never realized were true. Most of all, it's helped me realize that I really can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength. Without His strength, I would be a shattered and broken woman without hope. I'm so thankful that I have Jesus to cling to especially when life gives me an unexpected challenge. 

©bonnie annis all rights reserved

"Many people wrongly exclude fear from the definition of courage, believing that courage is the absence of fear. Every time such people feel afraid, they assume that they aren't courageous. The reality, though, is that courage is fearful. When we are acting courageously, we are, most typically, very afraid. But we don't allow the fear we're carrying to stop us. Instead, we press on. This is the signature feature of courage: to carry on despite being fearful. Fear, thus, is an essential element in the definition of courage. You can't be courageous unless you are afraid." ~Bill Treasurer

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong in the broken places." Ernest Hemingway
 

You're braver than you think video clip

Tamoxifen (Nolvadex) has been used for over 40 years to treat breast cancers that are hormone-receptor positive. Hormone receptor-positive breast cancers need the hormone estrogen (and/or progesterone) to grow.   - See more at: http://ww5.komen.org/BreastCancer/Tamoxifen.html#sthash.ksVzeH6w.dpuf

Tamoxifen (Nolvadex) has been used for over 40 years to treat breast cancers that are hormone-receptor positive. Hormone receptor-positive breast cancers need the hormone estrogen (and/or progesterone) to grow.   - See more at: http://ww5.komen.org/BreastCancer/Tamoxifen.html#sthash.ksVzeH6w.dpuf

I am not a has been

"I am not a has-been. I am a will be." - Lauren Bacall

A well meaning friend sent me a picture of a pink Christmas tree yesterday. She said, "I thought of you when I saw this." I was dumbfounded. Why does everyone seem to think just because I have breast cancer that suddenly I'm enamored with the color pink?

When I was growing up, I hated pink. I was a tomboy. I wore jeans and tennis shoes. I loved playing war with my brother. Deep in the woods we'd trek until we had climbed over tree branches, creeks, hills, and barbed wire. I loved hearing the leaves crunching under my feet and didn't mind twigs tangled in my hair or "hitch hikers" attaching to my pants legs. The girls at school would have cringed if they had known my secret...that I hated wearing dresses and I would rather be playing football in the mud with the neighborhood guys instead of having a tea party. Pink was just not my color. Pink gave me no pleasure.  Even now, at almost 57, I consider myself a tomboy. I hate wearing dresses.

But tomboys can still be tenderhearted. Yesterday, I went to the grocery store. I chose to go to Kroger because it was Wednesday, and Wednesday was senior citizen's day and seniors get a 10% discount. The first time I had ever received a senior discount, I had to ask for it. The woman behind the counter didn't believe I was over 55. I had to show her my driver's license. She said,  "you don't look your age." I was flattered. I've always prided myself on looking young. But yesterday, the cashier did not give me the discount. When I confronted her about it, she said, "we only give the discount to seniors 60 and up." I told her I'd always received the discount in Dekalb County Kroger stores and had been told the policy was 55 and up. I asked to speak to the manager. The manager was adamant about their 60 and up policy. As I left the store, I cried. Rivers of black mascara cascaded down my cheeks. Why was I so upset? Was it because of the rejection I'd just faced at the store or was it something deeper?

When I got home, it took thirty minutes to bring the groceries in and get them all put away. I was so frustrated at not being strong enough to carry more than one or two bags at a time. On the kitchen counter, my bottle of Arimidex, the antihormone therapy, sat reminding me that in just a few more days, I'll face a whole new set of challenges. Challenges of bone pain, fatigue, hair loss, mood changes....

Walking into my bedroom, I glanced down at my dresser. There on the dresser top lay several breast cancer bracelets I'd received in the mail from friends. More pink! I hadn't bothered to put them on, I hated pink. I stripped off my Lymphedema sleeves and changed into a flannel shirt. At least at home, I could be comfortable and be my true self.

I made a bowl of soup and sat down at the table to eat lunch. In front of me, I had a stack of magazines. I began flipping through the top one and almost every other page had something pink on it! Pink ribbons were everywhere. I closed the magazine and sat silently for a few minutes. I realized why I'd had the meltdown in the Kroger parking lot. It wasn't that I didn't receive my senior discount, it was about my feeling helpless to control all the changes that have and are taking place in my life. Those pink ribbons are constant reminders that I'm not who I once was...that I am someone different.

Walking into the bathroom, I looked at myself in the mirror. "Who are you?" I thought to myself. On first glance, I see myself as a mid forties woman with a fresh coat of makeup, fairly attractive, looking healthy and fit. But then, as I take a second look...I see a facade. I see a wrinkled woman who's learned the fine art of camouflage. I see fading hair color revealing various shades of gray. I see a woman with no feminine form. I see a deep sadness and pain. I force myself to look for a few minutes longer and then it is too much and I turn away. "I hate pink," I say to myself.

The holidays are coming. In just a few weeks it will be Thanksgiving. Normally, I would prepare a huge feast and have all the children and grandchildren over for dinner. This year, I'm too tired to do it. Two of my daughters have agreed to pick up the slack. They are going to take care of all the details. They'll come to my house and prepare the food. We'll celebrate being together. We'll celebrate being alive and my heart will be overcome with God's goodness. Usually, after the meal is finished, we set up the Christmas tree. It's usually a time filled with fun and joy. This year, I'm just not feeling it. I have no desire to put up the tree...no desire to buy gifts...no desire at all. I want to slap myself silly and say, "what's the matter with you!" I know I have so much to be thankful for and I should be overjoyed to celebrate the holidays but something inside has changed. It hurts me to realize I'm not the same as I used to be...I'm different. I wonder if the kids can see it. I hope they don't. I don't want to upset them.

I know I'm suffering from depression and that really scares me. It's not like me to feel down in the dumps and so alone. As I face this reality, I also realize that even when I don't quite recognize the face staring back at me in the mirror, God does. He doesn't look at my outsides but my insides. He looks on my heart. He knows the trauma I've faced this year. He knows what it's done to my self esteem. He knows I'm struggling and still, He loves me. This grown up old tomboy with wrinkled face and graying hair...this old woman with no breasts, He still loves. Now it's up to me to learn to love myself again...to realize I'm not a "has been" but a "will be." Maybe a good romp in the woods would help jog my memory a little bit.

Breast cancer awareness is symbolized by the color pink and that's okay if it causes women to check their breasts but if you know someone with breast cancer, be sensitive to the fact that the color pink may not be their "new" favorite color. Some women with breast cancer want to surround themselves with pink everything but many do not. It's hard to be constantly reminded of what was instead of what is now. Each of us have to process things in our own way and for me, pink is a constant symbol of the fact that my life is no longer the same. So no, this year, I won't be putting up a pink Christmas tree and I won't be donning my green tree with pink ribbons. In fact, I may not put up a tree at all. Perhaps I'll just take a walk in the woods, where nothing is pink, and enjoy the beauty of nature. That sounds like a tomboy's dream to me, and if I get the urge, I may just climb up in the tree and sit there for a while just thinking of the me that is still to come...the me that will be.

©bonnie annis all rights reserved 

Heart and soul

Waiting for a new grandchild to arrive is very stressful, especially when you're almost 2000 miles away, but waiting teaches us patience, right? I guess I'm the most impatient person in the world because God is continually working on that area of my life. My oldest daughter went into labor yesterday morning and now, almost 27 hours later, we still have no grandchild. I would be lying if I didn't say I was concerned, she's already had 3 Cesarean sections and two of her previous three births were breech. I feel so helpless...all I can do is pray.

On the way to the cardiologist's office for my followup appointment, I prayed. I asked God to guide the hands of the midwife and all those helping my daughter during the birthing process. I prayed for my sweet daughter, that God would give her strength to endure the difficult labor pains, and I prayed for my unborn grandchild...for God to take care of and bless that little one. I prayed prayers of thanksgiving, for the miracle of life. I prayed prayers of gratitude that our family was growing once again, but most of all, I prayed that I would be instrumental in helping to guide this new life into a saving knowledge of the Lord, Jesus Christ one day.

At that doctor's office, as I sat on the examination table, I listened as the doctor went over the recent test results with me. The stress test and the echocardiogram revealed I was still experiencing PVC'S (premature ventricular contractions.) The cardiologist wasn't as concerned about my enlarged right ventricle as he was with the PVC's so he decided to change my medication and wants me to wear a heart monitor to record the number of PVC'S and their frequency. I'm glad he's diligent to protect my heart. I was also thankful he gave me the okay to walk again. I haven't had the energy to do much of anything lately. It will feel good to get back on the treadmill and when the weather is a little warmer, I can start hiking again!

Today is the first day since my surgery that I've actually felt almost normal...not quite, but almost. I guess this "new normal" is going to take some getting used to and though it's not like the old normal, maybe I can find a way to adapt to the way things are now.

It's hard to believe it's been almost 8 months since I first found the mass in my right breast.  In just the blink of an eye, my heart and soul have changed. My heart has experienced physical changes, but more importantly, emotional changes. I feel almost like the Grinch on Christmas day, when his heart was changed...."And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say – that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day. And then – the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of ten Grinches, plus two!" My heart seems to have increased exponentially in its capacity to love. I never dreamed I could love more than I already did, but I do. Since my diagnosis of cancer, I've been able to see things so differently and to love more profoundly than ever before. It's amazing and I'm thankful. My soul has changed too. Cancer has changed me, and for the better. I just didn't "get it" before...but now I do. I feel like I've found a wonderful, mysterious secret that I'd never know before. Who would have thought that it would take a deadly disease to make me understand...certainly not me, but oh, how I see so much more clearly now.

©bonnie annis all rights reserved

Change is in the air

I've been blogging daily since June. This morning, I realized it's time for a change...a change not only in my writing habits, but for change in general. I've decided instead of writing daily, I am going to write only once a week. So today, and from this point forward, I will only write on Mondays. If you've been reading my blog daily, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It means so much to me that you've taken time to stop by and visit each day. I know many of you have read my blog posts and then taken the information I've shared using it to pray for me. Those prayers have been sustaining me so please don't stop, even if I don't post daily. Another reason I've decided not to post daily is for your benefit. Instead of trying to come up with something to write about and possibly boring my readers with trivial posts; I'd rather post once a week and give you lots of good information that will keep you coming back for more. With that being said, I'll begin today's post.

Today, as I sit at my computer, I look out over a chilly, fall morning. Fog hovers over the tree tops wrapping the leaves in a blanket of white. It looks picturesque and still. I love days like this. If I felt better, I'd be hiking right now. Up along a mountain ridge, pack on my back and walking stick in my hand...hearing the familiar crunch of leaves under my feet as I move steadily along. The mountains have been calling me. For days and days, I've heard their gentle wooing. This is the time of year I long to be outside. Just yesterday, in fact, I asked Phil, my husband, if we could drive up to the mountains this weekend, and he, like the good husband he is, said "of course, if I don't have to work next Saturday." My heart was happy to hear his reply and I am already planning our trip.

Just knowing I have the desire to plan something is a sign that I am healing. For months now, everything in my life has revolved around Cancer. My days have been spent going from one doctor's office to another or from one treatment to another, but now, things are changing. Just like the season of Fall, when the leaves are changing, the air turns crisp, and squirrels forage for nuts in preparation for a long hard winter, I can feel a change stirring in my spirit.

The burns from radiation are almost completely healed. There are still faint reminders of that uncomfortable time and they may remain for many more months. I have a wide, deep reddish brown band of color stretching from the center of my breast bone across my chest and around my back. The burns along my neck and collar bone are the most prominent and the least healed, giving me a raw and tender area that needs constant attention. The Silvadene and Radiaplex are doing a good job at soothing the painful burns and I am thankful for those soothing balms.

It will be good to have an entire week without any medical appointments. Maybe I can use this time to catch up on a few art projects I've had lying around or perhaps I'll find a new book to read. I'm supposed to be resting so my body can heal, but it's hard when I want to do so many things.

The swelling in my upper arms is mild upon waking and gets progressively worse throughout the day. This is so frustrating because it impedes my ability to do many physical things. I have the Lymphedema sleeves but I'm not supposed to wear them right now because the fabric rubs against my burned skin and causes irritation. In another few weeks, I hope to be completely healed and will start wearing the compression sleeves and gauntlets daily. While it isn't something I ever expected to have to do, I'm grateful for colorful and fun patterns that help make the sleeves more attractive.

My energy level hasn't returned to normal and that is bothersome. Planning household chores to accomplish each day before noon is a must otherwise they won't get done. There are things I am physically unable to do right now, like cleaning bathtubs and baseboards, but those can wait. That's a huge thing for me to say since I'm such a neat freak and germaphobe. Phil is more than willing to help with any projects, but I try not to ask for his help often. He works hard every day and when he gets home, I just want him to be able to rest and relax.

On the 30th, I'll meet with my Oncologist again. I must admit I am apprehensive about beginning the anti-hormone therapy. The internet can be a dangerous thing, especially for someone with an inquisitive mind. I've Googled every Aromatase inhibitor currently being used for Breast Cancer patients and in particular, I've focused on Arimidex, the one Dr. Feinstein has indicated I will soon be taking. The side effects are scary- fatigue, joint and bone pain, hair loss, severe Osteoporisis, nausea and vomiting, hot flashes, weight gain and more. I have so many questions to ask and am even considering opting out of taking the medication. I would rather have a better quality of life than to spend the next 5 to 10 years in agony.

So, yes, a change is coming. My normal life is gone. And just like the last stanza of Sam Cooke's song, A Change is Gonna Come, I know it's coming quickly. Just like the Fall leaves, which will soon loosen their grip and fall to the ground, I have to let go. Winter is around the corner with its frosty fingertips poised and ready.

This coming Saturday, I'm pulling out my hiking boots and jacket. We'll pack a picnic lunch and take off for the mountains. We'll spend the day tromping through piles of leaves and over fallen logs alongside mountain streams and I will be in heaven! I feel most at peace and closest to God when I am out in the woods alone with Him. My heart will be encouraged and refreshed, and when the day is done, we'll drive back home with happy hearts knowing that change is good...nothing remains the same...a change is gonna come.

© bonnie annis all rights reserved

"There been times that I thought I couldn't last for long
But now I think I'm able to carry on
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will."

Sam Cooke's song: A Change is Gonna Come