Art therapy and writing class

Today was Cancer Wellness Center day for me. On Thursdays, they offer an art therapy class and a writing class. I've been trying to make myself get out and attend the classes because I know it's good for me to have fellowship with other ladies. It's fun to be around them and just enjoy laughing and talking with them. Even though the classes are a fun, creative outlet, I'm amazed at what they bring out of me emotionally.

Today we worked on another tissue paper mosaic. Tearing the colored pieces of tissue paper was monotonous, but while we were preparing our medium, we had some good conversation. I got to know a couple of the ladies a little better as we talked and found out that I was the youngest one in the class. I was surprised about that. The other ladies looked about my age but they were in their mid 60's and 70's.

We worked for about an hour and a half tearing and gluing, gluing and tearing...making a water scene from blues, purples, blacks, and greens. They we added in some oranges and yellows for reflections of leaves. As we were working, I realized I wasn't thinking about anything except putting the next piece of tissue paper on my canvas. It was so relaxing and methodical.

Before I knew it, it was time to clean up. Art class was over and we were told we'd finish up next week. Where did the time go? It had flown by! There were jiblets of tissue paper all over the tables and on the floor. Spatterings of glue were flecked here and there. I took a sponge of hot water and began wiping up my area. After it was clean, I left for lunch.

One of the other ladies asked me to join her for lunch in the hospital cafeteria. I had no idea where it was, so I followed her there. It was a nice, open area with a salad bar, hot bar, drinks and desserts. I opted for a salad since I'm trying to eat healthier. During lunch, we talked about our diagnoses and treatment. I don't guess I'll ever be able to get away from having to share my journey.

Lunch ended and it was time for writing class. It was a small class today, just the instructor, myself and another woman. The journaling prompts were pulled out again and I chose the first one from the jar. It was a thought provoking prompt and we all got busy writing. It was fun to hear the different thoughts as we each read our journaling aloud. It's funny to me how we could all hear the same prompt and all have very different opinions as to where it should go and how the story should end, but that's what makes writing so unique.

We worked on several journaling prompts and then listened as the therapist read from the book, The Song of the Bird, again. I don't like that book very much because it's so New Age, but the therapist likes to use it for some reason.  I tried to weave my faith into this assignment to counter the New Age principals. Hopefully, the therapist will come to know and respect the fact that I'm a devout Christian.

When class was over, I said my goodbyes and headed home. In the car, I realized I was pretty tired. I don't understand how it takes so much out of me every week to just drive to and from class and be at the wellness center for 4 hours. I keep wondering when I'm going to get my strength back.

Through generous donors, the cancer wellness center can offer programs that cater to women going through different stages of healing. I'm so thankful for those people who give so generously so we can reap the benefits. I'm building up quite a portfolio of artwork and my creative writing skills are growing exponentially! Maybe one day, I'll get that book written...

©bonnie annis all rights reserved

Forgive me for complaining

I am so tired of waking up with huge, swollen arms! This Lymphedema sucks! Every morning, I have to get up and do manual lymphatic massage on myself just to be able to move my arms. The swelling has gotten so bad that I'm having to buy shirts in a much larger size just so I can get my arms in the sleeves. I don't mean to complain, really I don't, but can't my life just please return to a pre-cancerous state??? Is that too much to ask?

Nobody told me how crappy it would be after having lymph nodes removed. My breast surgeon did elude to the fact that I MIGHT get Lymphedema but she didn't think I would since I was only have 2 lymph nodes removed in my left arm and 4 removed in my right arm. Apparently even having one tiny little lymph node is enough to disrupt the whole lymphatic system and cause Lymphedema. 

It's hard to describe how it feels, but imagine, just underneath your skin, there is an accumulation of fluid. The fluid swells and gets tighter and tighter...so much so, that you feel like your skin is going to pop and split wide open! The swelling impedes movement and is quite painful too. It's not a once in a while thing...when you have it, you have it for good. It doesn't go away. 

My body is already a mess. When I look at myself in the mirror, I wonder how my husband can still love me. I have no breasts. I have huge scars across my chest. I have scars from the drainage tubes they put in after surgery. I have tattoos from the radiation clinic that they used to line me up under the linear accelerator for treatment and also, I have fat, swollen arms. Have you ever seen a Sumo wrestler? That's what I feel like when I look at myself. 

This morning, the swelling was exceptionally worse than usual. When I use my arms a lot during the day or I do any kind of lifting, it exacerbates the Lympedema. It took me about twenty minutes of manual massage to get the lymphatic fluid dispersed throughout my torso so I could put on a shirt. After going through my closet, I finally found one that I could wear. I guess I'll have to donate the shirts that don't have large sleeves to Goodwill and start buying new ones that will accommodate my balloon arms. I do have my Lymphediva sleeves that help compress my arms and aid with the swelling too.

It's so frustrating to have to deal with this physical challenge on a daily basis, but I'm just going to have to accept it and move on. I just needed a chance to rant for a little bit. I'm not normally a negative person. I hope you understand. Surgery doesn't remove all of the challenges, in fact, it creates even more of them. 

I am thankful for the medical advancements that are available now to those of us who've been afflicted with breast cancer. We have so many new and wonderful techniques that can buy us time. Cancer does maim, kill and destroy lives but it's up to us to choose to be thankful to be alive and continue to fight. 

Yes, Lymphedema sucks and yes, I don't like it one little bit, but...it's something I have to live with so I'd better just suck it up and move on. Thank you for allowing me to complain today...it's just been one of those days. 

Debunking the myth - does sugar feed cancer?

Does Sugar Feed Cancer? What a simple question, but in fact...it's not simple at all! There are many cancer patients, myself included, who have believed the myth that sugar feeds cancer cells. So, we decided if we eliminate sugar from our diet, we're being proactive and helping fight against a recurrence of cancer. But our decision is not a wise one and here's why:

Our bodies need sugar, specifically glucose, for energy. Every cell of our bodies, especially the brain, needs glucose to live. The sugar that we need comes from 2 places. One is from the carbohydrates that we eat. When we eat carbohydrates (either complex carbs, like whole grains or simple carbs like syrups), our bodies digests them and breaks them down into glucose for the body to use.

The second source of glucose actually comes from our own body. Our body will make the sugar we need if we don’t get enough from our food. Therefore, even if you cut out all intake of sugar or other forms of carbs, your body will make the sugar you need from fat and protein. This is not the ideal situation for your body, as it can cause your body to go into a stressful state. There is a certain amount of carbohydrate necessary for healthy cell function.

Cancer cells use sugar for energy just like the rest of our cells do. Cancer cells do have a higher metabolism, which is why they take up sugar at a faster rate. But there’s nothing scientifically proven regarding cancer that “feeds” on sugar more than any other cell in our body.

At this point, it has not been shown that eliminating dietary sources of sugar and carbohydrate actually results in slower growth of tumors but, it does result in your body having to work extra hard to make the glucose that it needs to function.

When we digest and absorb sugar from different types of foods, our bodies produce insulin to process the sugar. This is a normal and essential part of metabolizing food. However, if you eat too much sugar or carbohydrates, it results in a large amount of insulin being produced.

Insulin tells our cells to grow. Too much insulin can tell our cells to grow too much. Some people think that too much insulin could cause cancer cells to grow more. There’s not enough research right now to fully understand how insulin and cancer are related, but we know that too much sugar, and too much insulin are not good for our health.

Simply put, sugar does feed cancer. BUT, sugar (glucose) also feeds the rest of your body. For those who are going through treatment, remember that your healthy cells need energy especially during this time. Avoiding sugar completely will not help treatment, but it could leave your healthy cells low on energy. So, should you avoid sugar? According to the medical team at M.D. Anderson, the answer is no. “Your body’s cells use sugar to keep your vital organs functioning,” says Clare McKindley, clinical dietitian at MD Anderson’s Cancer Prevention Center. “But too much daily sugar can cause weight gain. And, unhealthy weight gain and a lack of exercise can increase your cancer risks.”

So, how much sugar is safe to eat? Women should have no more than six teaspoons per day (25 grams), and men should have no more than nine teaspoons per day (37 grams), says the American Heart Association. This equals to about 100 calories for women and 150 for men. If you’re like most Americans, you actually eat more than double that much sugar in a day — about 22 teaspoons. That’s 260 cups or 130 lbs. of sugar each year. Even worse, all that extra sugar breaks down to about 500 calories per day. That’s hundreds of calories with absolutely no nutritional or cancer-fighting benefit.
And, it’s not just sweets that are loaded with sugar. Pasta sauce, salad dressings and canned vegetables also have hidden sugars. Canned and processed foods are some of the biggest offenders.

It's very important to look for hidden sugars in foods. Your first clue that a product is high in sugar is if the word “sugar” is listed as the first ingredient. Beware, though. Some sugary foods don’t include “sugar” on the ingredient list. That’s because sugar is often disguised under different names. Here are some hidden “sugar” words to look out for:
fructose (natural sugar from fruits)
lactose (natural sugar from milk)
sucrose (made from fructose and glucose)
maltose (sugar made from grain)
glucose (simple sugar, product of photosynthesis)
dextrose (form of glucose)

Natural sugars are best. Natural sugars, like molasses, agave nectar, honey and maple syrup, are packed with antioxidants that protect your body from cancer. Even though these sweet options are natural, they still have about the same amount of calories as regular sugar. So, it’s important to stick to the recommended daily serving for sugar.

Avoid artificial sweeteners! Some studies done with laboratory animals have found links between artificial sweeteners and cancer. But, no proof exists that says artificial sweeteners definitely cause cancer. Until more is known, your best bet is to avoid or limit artificial sweeteners.

Bottom line: sugar, when eaten in small amounts, can fit into a balanced diet. And, if you have a sweet tooth, it’s better to get your sugar fix from naturally sweet fruits than processed foods. That way, you’ll satisfy your craving and get more of the nutrients your body needs to fight off diseases like cancer.

Another note to self...

I'm finding that lately I'm making more and more mental notes to myself...what good it does, I do not know, but I make them. I envision my brain loaded down with bright yellow sticky notes and hand scribbled messages to myself. It's getting pretty crowded up there but this note is a major note...one I must find room to squeeze in somewhere! Are you ready for it, here it is...DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GO TO A HAIR STYLIST YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO BEFORE...NEVER...EVER...EVER. And ESPECIALLY not before a holiday! Let me tell you why I say this and what happened to me.

I was growing out a cute little pixie cut. My hair is very fine and slow growing. It took almost 8 months to get my hair to the "just below chin level" and it was starting to look kind of "mullet-y." It wasn't quite as bad as Carol Brady's (you remember the Brady Bunch don't you???) but it was close. Soooo I decided it was time to get that fixed and I got on the internet and searched for salons near me. I found one that looked well established and called them up.

When the receptionist answered the phone, I told her I needed a haircut. I told her I didn't know any of the stylists but I needed someone who was good with baby fine hair. She said she had just the person for me...her name was Jill. I asked if Jill had been cutting hair very long and the receptionist said, "oh yes, over 30 years!" Okay then...sounded like a winner, so I went to the salon. Hubby was off work and said he'd go with me. I told him he'd probably rather sit in the car than in the waiting room with all the other women, he said he'd be fine. What a good guy he is!

I checked in at the receptionist's desk and the shampoo girl came to get me. After I was shampooed, I was taken over to meet Jill. Jill was about my age but had salt and pepper hair. Her hair was in a neat pixie. (I always make it a point to check out how my potential stylist wears her hair. If her hair isn't neat and well groomed, then I don't trust her to do mine.) Jill passed the test.

Jill sat me in her chair and asked what I wanted. I told her I was in a dilemma. I was growing out this pixie cut and while I was pleased with the length of my hair now, I didn't want a mullet. She said you have two options, go back to a pixie or have a shorter than chin length blunt cut. Well....I have a very round face so I knew the blunt cut was definitely a no. Back to the pixie it was then.

Jill and I talked the entire time she was cutting my hair. I got to know a lot about her and she got to know a lot about me. When she was done, I felt like we were friends. My hair looked cute and I left the shop happy...but wait! There's more!

I liked my short "do" so much. When I got home, I played with it a lot. I put styling paste in it and spiked it up...it looked cool. I put gel in it and wore it in a wet look...that looked cool too. I rolled it and sprayed it with hairspray for a different look...it was nice. And then, I made a fatal mistake...I decided I wanted to get my hair highlighted so the beautiful white hairs (that I'd seen peeking out around the edges of my face) could just come on in and one day in the future, I'd be completely white headed. I called Jill and set up another appointment. I told her my plan and she said it was do-able.

Once again, I sat in Jill's chair. She asked what my goal was and I told her about letting my whitish/gray hairs come in naturally. She went to the back and mixed up some color and then came back and began to foil my hair. After she got the foils in, she sat me under the dryer for about 40 minutes and then I was shampooed. When she began to dry my hair, I noticed the foils looked very light instead of like the blondish ones I've had in the past, but I didn't say anything. She pulled out her curling iron and began to curl and style my hair and then covered me in a coat of hairspray. She worked on it about 15 minutes before she was pleased. Next, she asked if I liked it. All I could see was the front of my hair and it looked okay so I said yes.

On the way home from the salon, I asked my husband if it looked okay. I told him I didn't even get to see the back. (Usually the stylist will give you a big hand held mirror while you're in the chair so you can see the back of your hair before you leave....but Jill didn't. I began to wonder why.)

When I got home, I went into the bathroom and began to comb through my hair. I didn't like it all poofy like Jill had styled it. I combed all the hairspray out and then got my mirror to look at the back. Let me tell you, I was NOT pleased when I saw it. I had patchy spots of white all throughout the back of my hair. I looked like a leopard! It looked really bad. I began to cry and then...I got MAD. I had just paid this woman $75 to do my hair and I'd also given her a $25 tip! Jill might have been a good hair stylist but coloring/foiling/highlighting hair was NOT HER FORTE'. Now what was I going to do...Easter Sunday is coming! I have to get this fixed and now. I was having a really bad hair day...

So I went to Sally (no, not another hair stylist, but you're close! It's a beauty supply store.) I knew I had to recolor my hair to get rid of the patchy white spots but how was I going to cover up those big white spots and the highlights she'd done all over the top of my head? I knew I could add color but, the highlights had been done by bleaching out my natural color. I also knew (from working in a salon years ago) that if you weren't careful, when you colored over bleached hair, you could end up with GREEN in the places that had been highlighted. I didn't want GREEN hair and I didn't want LEOPARD spotted hair...what to do. So, I jumped on my smartphone and GOOGLED it. I found out that if I put a Neutral Protein Filler on first, it would prepare those highlighted spots to take on the new color. Woohoo. Now I was on to something.

I bought $17 worth of supplies at Sally and headed home. I worked most of the day preparing food for Easter and my hair color supplies sat there on the counter in plain view. I had to do first things first and since we'd been invited to an Easter dinner with one of my children, I needed to get my dishes prepared and ready. I whipped up my famous Broccoli salad and then my "to die for" hashbrown casserole. Next I boiled some eggs...you gotta have deviled eggs on Easter, right? So, I had a cool idea, I'll boil the eggs, then peel them and then dip the shelled eggs into the food coloring...that way, we won't just have the pretty outsides of the eggs that usually is peeled off and thrown away but we'd have colored edible eggs that were filled with my deviled concoction. Pretty nifty, I thought. So, I gathered some little cups and put a different color of dye into each one. I had orange, yellow, blue, green and pink. The colors were so beautiful and I enjoyed sliding each boiled egg into the color baths. After getting the eggs completed. I was tired, but I still needed to address the hair problem.

I gathered my things and told hubby I'd see him in a bit. I went into the bathroom and began by putting the neutral protein filler on my hair. It had to sit for 20 minutes and then, I could start with the coloring process. When the timer rang, I started to mix up my hair color. I gently poured 2 ounces of 20 volume developer into the color mixing bowl and then added 1 ounce of my hair color. (I'd chosen a darker shade than normal and one without reddish tones because I didn't know how it was going to react to the highlighted areas.) I began applying the hair color and as soon as I got my entire head covered with color, I began to freak out!!! My hair started to turn PINK!!! I am NOT KIDDING HERE! It was not a beautiful pink shade like the Easter eggs color bath, but a definite PINK...a deep, rosy PINK! Oh my word! What had I done now! There was nothing I could do. All I could think was, well...if I have pink hair at least I could advertise for breast cancer awareness, but I didn't want PINK hair. So, I decided to wait and see what happened if I left the color on for a while longer.

After 30 minutes, my scalp began to burn! I guess the protein filler and the developer had done a number on my head. I tried to let it stay on the full 45 minutes as recommended but there was no way I could leave it on any longer. I looked in the mirror. Thankfully, the rosy pink hue had vanished and now, my hair was a deep, dark brownish black. At least it wasn't LEOPARD SPOTTED AND AT LEAST IT WASN'T GREEN OR PINK!

I showered and washed the remaining hair dye out. When I finished drying my hair, I was pleasantly surprised. The highlights were gone! The spots were gone! The pink was gone! All that was left was a nice, rich, deep brown color. I could breath a sigh of relief!

So the moral of the story...a $117 dollar story...be sure you have a qualified hair stylist before deciding to color. Always ask for a mirror so you can check out your head before leaving the shop. If you're not happy, you have two choices...go back in and demand the problem be corrected or opt for a do it yourself fix. If you go the do it yourself route, you better know what you're doing otherwise you may end up with pink or green hair or even NO HAIR at all!

Why didn't I go back in and demand my hair be corrected???
1. The shop was closed by the time I found out there was a problem.
2. Jill wasn't working the next day.
3. I had to fix it before Easter! I couldn't go to church with spotty hair and I didn't have a wig!
4. I was angry and wanted the problem fixed immediately so I chanced doing it myself.

The end results

I'm so thankful it turned out okay. It could have been even worse than the beginning. I could have ended up with PINK LEOPARD SPOTTED HAIR!

This is a true story and believe me when I say, this note to self will remain on the very front lobe of my brain for years to come! Maybe one day my kids and grandkids will laugh about all my zany life stories. I hope someone will laugh...it is kinda funny now that I think about it.

When it comes time for lunch tomorrow, I think I'll forego having any of those colored deviled eggs. I'm a little scared of the green and pink ones...and Jill will never know that I didn't love her highlighting job unless we bump into her at church, afterall, she does attend the same church we do!

© bonnie annis all rights reserved

Creative therapy

 I've been struggling lately with getting out of the house and doing something...anything. I've become so comfortable just being here with me, myself and I all day long every day. I can do what I want when I want without any disruption, but I know it's not healthy to isolate myself...so, I decided to make myself do something.

The hospital near me has a Cancer Wellness Center and they offer classes at no cost to breast cancer patients and survivors. My Oncologist told me about it right after I was diagnosed and I was scared to death to walk down the hallway to see where the classes were even held. If my oldest daughter hadn't been with me, I'm sure I would not have gone to see it at all, but she insisted telling me it would be good for me.

Several months passed after that first visit to the wellness center and she kept asking me if I'd gone to any classes yet. I had to respond that I hadn't. She kept prodding me, telling me to try it but I was afraid to go alone to a place where I knew no one. I didn't want to go, but I promised her I'd go at least once and so I did.

My first visit was okay. There weren't a lot of people there. I was very nervous and tried to fit in as best I could. The ladies were nice but not overly friendly. It was apparent they had known each other for some time and had their own little cliques. I wondered if I'd ever fit in. When I left that first day, I didn't think I would be back. I had kept my promise and that was all I felt I needed to do.

Since the beginning of the year, I'd promised myself that I'd be brave...that I'd try something new. I really needed to be around other people and the only people I knew here were medical staff...I didn't want to be around them unless I had to be!

Last night, I sent my daughter a text and told her I needed a cheerleader...I needed her to encourage me to go to the wellness center. She responded with several texts filled with verses of Scripture that reminded me to be brave and courageous. I went to bed thinking I'd give it a try if I felt good enough in the morning.

This morning, after waking up from one of the best night's sleep I'd had in months, I decided to go to the center. Today was art therapy day and afterwards, there was a creative writing class. I loved both of those things so I thought it would be a good day for me to venture out.

I ate breakfast and then checked the clock. It was a little before 8.  I hurried to get a shower and then got dressed and put on a fresh coat of makeup. I looked in the mirror and started to feel shaky. I wasn't feeling very brave...but wait! I had my lions! I'd collected a small brood of lions since my diagnosis. Friends had sent them to me to remind me to be brave while going through treatment. They had been my constant companions as I'd worked through radiation treatments for 7 weeks, I knew they could help me now too.

I went into the bedroom and gathered them up in my arms. "Come on guys," I said, as I whisked them into the front seat of my car. I glanced at the clock, it was almost 9:30 a.m. Traffic was a little heavier than normal but I pressed on, determined not to be late.

When I arrived at the hospital, the parking lot was extremely full. I parked in the first space available and walked about a block to the front door of the wellness center. I took the elevator up and took a deep breath as I reached my floor. The door opened and I made a b-line for the bathroom, nerves, I guess. After I composed myself, I went down the long corridor to a set of glass doors that led to the classrooms.

I entered the classroom and NO ONE was there! I started to freak out but then noticed it was not quite 10 a.m. ...maybe I was just early and others would come soon. I noticed that the room was fairly dark, so I began opening the blinds to let in the morning light...that was much better, I thought to myself and sat down at a round table.

Gayle, the art therapist

Promptly at 10 a.m. the art therapist came into the room. She introduced herself to me again. Her name was Gayle and she remembered me from my very first visit...I was surprised! She started pulling out supplies for the class and I volunteered to help. We sat up a table and got everything ready as other ladies came into the room. Each one told me her name and a little about herself.

We got started with our project and soon, I was immersed in what I was doing. I totally forgot about what was going on around me. I was so busy making my mosaic and getting it just the way I wanted it. It was so nice not to have to think about anything other than what I was doing at that very moment.

Time went by so quickly and soon it was noon, time for lunch. I went downstairs to the new cafe and ordered a sandwich. It was so beautiful outside. I chose to sit in the sunshine. There was a small picnic area set up in between buildings and it looked so inviting.

When lunch was over, I headed back up to class. The creative writing class was a very small group. I guess not many ladies enjoy writing. I was kind of glad because I prefer to be in a small group. Since this was my first writing class at the center, I didn't know what to expect. The art therapist pulled out a mason jar filled with slips of paper and asked me to pick one. As I read it, I saw that it had a journaling prompt on it. Each of us would now take the prompt and write from it.

Gayle gave us a certain amount of time to complete our assignment. When we were done, she asked if anyone wanted to read portions of their work. When she asked me, I was nervous, but agreed to read my writings. Everyone in the class was amazed. They asked me to read my work again. I was shaky and wondered why they wanted to hear my work read aloud once again. After reading, they all told me I had wonderful talent and that I should write professionally. I explained that this was a lifelong dream but I'd never pursued it. I felt honored to hear their words of praise.

I was thankful I'd made myself go to the classes. It was very cathartic and I could actually feel the stress leaving my body. It was also nice to be around other people. I didn't realize how much I'd missed it.

Next week will be easier since I know some of the ladies. I'm actually looking forward to the classes and can't wait to see what type of things we'll do.

I felt a little silly writing about this topic today, but I wanted to share my vulnerability with you. I don't just struggle with my physical appearance, I struggle emotionally too. Breast cancer can really do a number on your self esteem. I know it has on mine, but I'm fighting hard to get it back to a new normal.

Working on our mosaics

I'm so thankful to have my own personal cheering section! My daughters know me so well and they can tell when I'm fearful. Grownups aren't supposed to be afraid of little things like going out in public, are they? I was never afraid before surgery so I don't know why I am now. Hopefully things will get better with time. I did actually have a lot of fun today and I know that it was really good medicine.


© bonnie annis all rights reserved

The nutritionist says...

Yesterday was my visit to the cancer wellness center to meet with the nutritionist. Last week, when I visited Dr. Feinstein, he suggested I meet with a nutritionist. I'm thankful the wellness center offers that service free of charge to breast cancer survivors.

I had no idea what to expect when I walked into her office. A very petite 30 something woman sat before me. She greeted me cordially and we began to talk a little about my experience with cancer. She listened intently as I described my stage, treatment, and current situation. Now it was time to get down to the nitty gritty...

"Why are you here, exactly?," she said. "Well, my oncologist thought it would be a good idea since I'm taking a natural approach to staying healthy instead of taking Tamoxifen, Arimidex or any of those other anti-hormone therapies." "Okay, so let's talk about your diet," she said. So I proceeded to give her a break down of what I usually eat for each meal. She looked shocked when I finished. "Wow, you eat really well! You are doing exactly what you should be doing." I wanted to jump up and down and say, "I KNOW! I KNOW!" but I restrained myself.

She began printing off documents from her computer and turned to me saying, "so, what would you say your goal is right now?" The first thing that came to mind was to say, "just to stay alive" so that's what I said. "That's a good goal!," she said. I also told her I'd like to lose some weight. I explained how frustrated I was at having a super slow metabolism. Ellen, the nutritionist, looked confused. "How do you know you have a slow metabolism?" I told her that no matter what I did or didn't eat, I could never lose a pound. Even when I added lots of exercise, nothing helped. When I told her about having had my thyroid gland removed in 2005, she was able to understand a little better and agreed with me.

"Why don't we just focus on making healthy eating choices and not focus on losing weight?," she said, "if you continue to eat lots of fresh fruits and vegetables like you've been doing and increase your activity, I'm pretty sure the weight loss will follow."

Ellen

Ellen handed me a stack of printouts. There was one was on Organic foods and cancer, another was on plant based diets and phytochemicals, and the last one was a 1600 calorie menu planner with many pages of diet information. I told Ellen that I don't think I ever ate 1600 calories in a day. My diet was usually around 1200. She explained that she'd based that calorie count on several factors including my BMR (basal metabolic rate.)

I sat there looking over the papers and happened to glance down at her shoes. (She had on some really cool shoes!) I wanted to say something about them but thought it might seem a little weird, but then...I couldn't help it! "Those are the coolest shoes!," I said. She glanced down at her feet and then a big smile came across her face. "Thank you! You just made my day!" I asked where she'd purchased them and she told me. I love quirky, different looking shoes. Hers were an olive drab colored canvas similar to the Converse high tops I wore in high school but these had a unique fold down tongue and side flaps. As we were talking about the shoes, a guy came walking into her office and looked directly at me said, "it's time for your drum lesson." Ummmm....you can't imagine the shocked look on my face. I thought he was kidding but it turns out he wasn't!

Ellen and I were finished and as I told her thank you, the guy was grabbed hold of my hand and pulled me gently down the hallway. I looked back at Ellen with a "help me???" look on my face. She just smiled and sat down to do some paperwork.

Rounding the corner, the guy took me into a room filled with leather chairs and sofas. He motioned for me to have a seat and being the compliant person that I am, I sat down. He handed me a drum...but not your typical drum, it was an African drum. He took one and placed it between his thighs and asked me to do the same...which I did. Can I tell you, I was feeling really weird and really uncomfortable but then, he began to show me the various drum strokes to play the Djembe (the African drum made of wood shaped like a huge challis with a head made of goatskin stretched over the top of it.) I watched in amazement as he began to stroke the drum. The sounds resonated throughout the room and began to get louder as he continued playing. "Now you try it," he said.

I took my drum and followed along as he taught me the 3 types of strokes used to play this instrument. The first stroke was a bass stroke where the whole hand was used to hit the surface of the drum firmly. The second stroke involved only the meaty part of your hand, just below your fingers, and this stroke was made squarely along the outer rim of the drum. This stroke was called the tone stroke. The last stroke involved the meaty part of the palm and the fingers, again along the outer edge of the drum and it was called the slap stroke. As I practiced each stroke, I was beginning to loosen up and have fun!

The instructor told me to close my eyes and practice the strokes while saying "pepperoni and spaghetti." He said the words gave the proper cadence to the strokes he was teaching me. I felt silly sitting there in a room alone with a man I'd never met before with a big wooden African drum between my legs, eyes closed saying "pepperoni and spaghetti...PEP per oni and SPA ghetti, PEP per ONI and spa GHETTI"  As he changed up the emphasis on the words, he changed the type of stroke we played on the drum.

We sat there playing our drums for about an hour. As the beat became more natural, I was transported into a dusty, poverty stricken land surrounded by tattered children. I could just imagine all of us sitting there underneath the Baobab trees gathered into a loose circle as the elders led us in some sort of ceremony with drums beating and shirtless women dancing. It was the weirdest thing ever, just like I had stepped into a National Geographic documentary on African music.

The rhythmic drumming was hypnotizing, but not in a bad way. It was very peaceful and as I kept drumming, the instructor began to tell me a little of the drum therapy program here at the wellness center. He explained that the drumming was a wonderful stress reliever and something about Oncolytic Immunotherapies and T cell production. I didn't really listen because I was "into" my drumming. I felt connected with the native peoples through their music.

When it was time for the class to be over, I didn't want to leave. Isn't that funny? At first, I had felt totally out of place and strange about even picking up the drum and holding it. The pepperoni and spaghetti part made me want to burst out laughing but now, it all came together. 

The cancer wellness center at Piedmont Hospital is a wonderful resource. They offer free programs to help cancer survivors thrive. There are cooking classes, art therapy classes, writing classes, drumming, massage, yoga, group therapy, and other programs offered weekly. Each of these programs help those of us who continue to struggle to find our place in the world feel a little more grounded. The programs are set to reach a wide range of women and some of them participate in every class offered. I like to choose ones that include things I enjoy already like the art and writing classes. 

It's nice to know the doctors aren't only concerned with helping us through the immediate crisis of cancer but also want to help us be successful in returning to our daily lives. It's a huge struggle for many of us who have experienced devastating physical changes. The cancer wellness center is a wonderful place for overcoming the emotional pain that cancer inflicts upon its victims. 

Nutrition plan, check. African drumming, check. What's next you say? Well, you'll just have to wait and see. I do know that I'm not just going to sit around on my duff and rot. I've got a whole lot of living left to do! 

 “The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.” ~ T.H. White

© bonnie annis all rights reserved

Oh Matcha!

For about a week and a half now, I've been drinking lots of Matcha Green Tea. I'd done extensive research on natural ways to combat cancer and green tea was highly recommended, so I ordered a large bag of organic Japanese Matcha tea from Amazon.

Matcha is different from coffee, and from other teas, in one important aspect: the caffeine in matcha works in a synergistic manner with all the other great stuff that matcha contains, including hefty quantities of phytonutrients, antioxidants, and amino acids.

Because the caffeine molecules in matcha bind to larger and more stable molecules (especially catechins), the caffeine is, essentially, released over time, instead of all at once, as it is with espresso or brewed coffee, into the bloodstream. In contrast to coffee, this timed-release mechanism tends to inhibit any sudden insulin increases, so there is no “crash” associated with quick drops in blood sugar that so many coffee drinkers feel an hour or so after drinking a cup. Nor does matcha stimulate the production of cortisol, the stress hormone, as coffee can.

The benefits of green tea have been known for decades. But now a super green tea that has slowly emerged from Japan called Matcha is gaining more and more attention. Matcha is cultivated by local farmers using traditional methods, from growing to grinding. It has traditionally been used to flavor and dye foods such as green tea ice cream and soba noodles.

In 2003, the University of Colorado published a report about the potency and concentration of EGCG, a powerful anti-oxidant found in green tea. The researchers found that Matcha green tea contained up to 137 times more EGCG than regular green tea.

Here are few of the amazing benefits of EGCG in Matcha Green Tea, specifically about Breast Cancer. There are countless studies that demonstrate the power of EGCG as an effective Tumor Terminator. Here are just a few:

• Suppresses inflammation and aggressive estrogen mediators in breast tissue.
• Causes Breast Cancer cells to die
• Suppresses the new blood flow that feeds Breast Cancer tumor
• Reverses epigenetic changes and prevents DNA damage that is often seen in Breast Cancer
• Suppresses stem cell production in human Breast Cancer

Aside from being a Cancer Buster, Matcha Green Tea hosts a number of other health benefits.
It is a powerful Anti-oxidant powerhouse, boasting a higher ORAC score than blueberries and pomegranate.

• It contains 5 times more L-Theanine compared to other green teas, an amino acid that creates alpha waves in the brain that induces relaxation.
• Matcha has been shown to improve physical endurance up to 24%.
• It boosts metabolism and burns fat.
• The chlorophyll in the green tea detoxifies heavy metals and toxic chemicals.
• One glass of Matcha is equivalent to 10 glasses of green tea in terms of its nutritional value and anti-oxidant content.
• Matcha is packed with antioxidants, vitamin C, tocopherols, carotenoids, selenium, zinc, chromium, and manganese.
• Believe it or not, this tea is high in soluble and insoluble fiber, which is great for your colon and cholesterol levels.

Drinking Matcha is a unique experience. The powdered green tea smells like freshly mown grass. Preparing it is very different from other types of tea. Matcha doesn't come in tea bags. It's loose powder that you have to spoon out into the cup. After heating your water, you add one to two little spoonfuls of Matcha to the Chasen (Matcha bowl) and whisk it vigorously. When you have a good heady froth, you immediately drink the tea. If allowed to sit, the matcha settles into the bottom of the cup and forms a thick sediment.

Since following my desire to pursue natural healing methods instead of taking a chemical for the next 10 years, Matcha, even though the taste is taking some time to get used to, has made me feel proactive in my health care. 

I have discovered that I do need to be very careful about when I drink my Matcha. For example, yesterday I had a cup of Matcha first thing in the morning and then again at 3p.m. I went to bed at 11 p.m. and found that I was unable to sleep. I tossed and turned most of the night. I kept wondering if it could be the Matcha. It must have been the tea because I was so tired and so ready to sleep but couldn't. Sometime around 2:30 or 3:00 a.m. I finally drifted off only to wake up again at 5:00 a.m. I haven't had any caffeine in the past 5 years due to advice from my cardiologist so I guess my body was overly stimulated from the small amount of caffeine in the Matcha. 

It's six of one and half a dozen of the other...medication with nasty side effects or organic, natural methods and sleepless nights. Decisions, decisions. I'm going to continue the Matcha and other choices I've made to fight the recurrence of breast cancer. Hopefully, changing up the times I drink the tea will take care of the insomnia. I sure hope so! The oncologist told me that sleep is vital to the healing process and I know it is during those periods of rest that my body is busy making healthy, new cells. I NEED MY SLEEP!

© bonnie annis all rights reserved